Shouldn’t Be Open On Sundae

(We’re a sit-down restaurant with a specific take out procedure. People call the hostess stand, I get them a server to take their order, and then the manager has to come up front to take the money when they arrive to pick up their food. It’s something this restaurant has been doing for years and it isn’t going to change unless the owner croaks or sells the place. One woman calls in every weekend, at our busiest hour and here is what usually happens:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant] in [Town]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Get me a manager.”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your name?”

Customer: “Oh, my god, IT’S [Customer]. I JUST WANT TO ORDER MY FOOD!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get him right on.”

(As I go to get the manager on the floor, she hangs up. The phone rings again.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the—”

Customer: “I JUST WANT TO ORDER MY FOOD. CAN I DO THAT? PLEASE? WHY DO YOU HAVE ALL THESE RULES? THEY MAKE EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT!”

(I get her a server to take her order over the phone, and they tell her the food will be ready in twenty minutes since we’re so busy. Once it’s done, the server brings her meal up to the front desk — where it sits and waits for her to come, fifteen minutes after it’s been made. Finally she arrives.)

Me: “Good morning, miss—”

Customer: “Can I pay you?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I can’t touch the money. I don’t even have a key to the register.”

Customer: “WELL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I’M STANDING UP HERE AND I CAN’T PAY YOU AND MY FOOD’S GETTING COLD! THESE RULES ARE HORRIBLE AND RIDICULOUS AND AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO COMPLAINS ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THIS IS THE DUMBEST—” *the manager arrives* “Hiiiiii, how ya doing? You know, these procedures are just stupid. You have too many rules. You should just—”

Manager: “Thank you for waiting. Here’s your food, and have a nice day.”

(Later that evening, we have a promotional sale so the restaurant is packed and hectic. Servers who were supposed to be cut aren’t; servers who are coming in don’t know where to take tables. Since the other hostess hasn’t come in yet, I’m rushing to seat people and tell servers who’s got what. Our problem customer then stumbles back in the door, and walks past me, sits herself in an empty table in a section with no server, and then starts waving at me.)

Customer: “Hey, can you get me a sundae?”

Me: “Hold on, I’ll get you a server—”

Customer: “I JUST WANT A SUNDAE. CAN YOU GET ME AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not a server. I don’t handle the food. I have to get one for you. Just give me a minute and I’ll—”

Customer: “I JUST WANT AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT! ALL OF THESE RULES ARE SO—”

(At this point I just walk away; I have too many people to sit. Fortunately, the other hostess walks in and manages to get the customer a server as I am seating someone else, but later that customer works her way back up to the register.)

Customer: “Can I pay you?”

Me: “Ma’am, you pay your server at the table—”

Customer: “Oh, my god. ALL OF THESE RULES ARE SO RIDICULOUS! HOW DO YOU EVEN STAY IN BUSINESS? ALL OF THESE RULES ARE TERRIBLE FOR BUSINESS AND TURN PEOPLE AWAY! I JUST WANT TO PAY FOR MY SUNDAE AND YOU’RE MAKING EVERYTHING SO HARD!

(The manager comes up and tries to explain things.)

Manager: “Miss, we use server-banking here. You pay them at the table, not me.”

Customer: “But these rules are so horrible! You have too many, all of this waiting and waiting. Can I just pay you, please? I JUST WANT TO PAY FOR MY ICE CREAM!”

(The manager rang her up at the front and she whined the whole time until she left. I feel bad for her server, because I’m pretty sure she didn’t leave a tip. It just floors me that this woman would go to a restaurant and think that PAYING THE SERVER is “too much protocol.”)