Should Sellotape The No-Alcohol Sign To Him

(In Scotland, we have an alcohol curfew. You can’t buy it after 10:00 pm or before 10:00 am. Most people know, but you still get a few who try their luck, and most of them are downright rude and give us verbal abuse for it. However, this guy pretty much makes up for all of those rude customers. It happens when I’m serving, and my colleague is trying to cash up one of the tills.)

Colleague: “I’m sorry, you can’t buy that wine. It’s after ten o’clock.”

Guy: *obviously drunk* “Aw, come on! I won’t tell anyone. Just one bottle.”

Colleague: “I really, really can’t.”

Guy: “You can! Look, if you put it through the till and then print off the receipt, then you get this pen here and change the time on it to before ten o’clock!”

Colleague: “That won’t work.”

Guy: “All right… How about I take the wine outside and then throw the money into the shop for you? It’d be like I’m stealing it but will give you the money and you won’t get into trouble!”

(My colleague now looks helplessly at me, on the verge of laughter.)

Me: “Sorry. It’s not a [Store] policy; it’s law. We can’t sell it to you or give it to you.”

Guy: “Aw, man. Come on. Just this once?”

Colleague: “I think you’re best off going home.”

Guy: *picks up Sellotape that we keep on the tills* “Can I have this, then?”

Colleague: “I’m afraid we need that.”

Guy: “Hey, have either of you ever seen The Office?”

(Both my colleague and I were now laughing but managed to tell him no, we hadn’t seen “The Office.” It’s worth mentioning that I moved the wine from the till to behind it, so none of this was a distraction so he could pinch it. He made us both promise to watch “The Office,” and said that he would be back in to ask us some questions about it to see if we really had watched it. He tried a few more times to get his drink, which both of us declined. He then asked us if we had to wear our uniforms and if we have a special store T-shirt on underneath our fleeces, and suddenly decided a trolley we use to display reduced items on needed to be put in a better place and tried to move it. All the while, my colleague and I were creasing up. Suddenly, the embarrassment set in; he made us promise that when he came in next time to buy his milk or whatever else that we wouldn’t laugh at him. We did promise, and we kept that promise, though I have to admit it was hard when I saw him for the first time since his drunken visit!)