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Should Have Tried A Better Branch Of Enquiry

| Friendly | December 11, 2016

(My mom is driving me and my siblings home from school when we notice a man no one recognizes standing on a step ladder and cutting branches off of a hedge that has grown over our fence. This is odd, as our dad normally does the yard work himself, so my mom sends me over to check things out.)

Me: “Um, sorry, but why are you cutting off branches from our house?”

Man: *nonchalantly* “Oh, y’know, I live just down the street and my kids just really like peeling bark, and these plants are really good for peeling…”

Me: “But… um… did you ask?”

Man: “Well, I knocked on the door, but some crazy dog started barking so I just decided against it. Anyways, it’s over the fence, so this is kinda public property.”

Me: “Erm, okay… but maybe actually ask? And try taking your kids to the park next time. Just a suggestion!”

Man: “Girl, are you denying me access to public property?!”

Me: “No, I just asked if you could refrain from cutting off branches from my house…”

Man: “You little b****! You probably don’t even f****** live here. You just want a poor man’s kids to be sad!”

(Someone in my car is startled by this, and calls my dad, who soon comes out of the house.)

Dad: “Sir, I’d like you to stop harassing my daughter and to stop cutting my hedge. We would have gladly let you have some branches if you had simply asked. Now please get off my property.”

Man: *mumbling as he loads his stuff into his truck* “It’s cause I’m Filipino, racist a**-holes!”

Me: *waving as he enters his car* “Yup, it’s a well-known fact that Filipinos hate Filipinos!”

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