Should Have Ignored The Biblical Signs

(Our store has hired a new night manager. This happens the third night he works, my first shift closing with him on duty. We’ve just run out of the cheap ham that’s on sale, and I am pulling the sign advertising it off the counter, as is our procedure when we run out of a sale item.)

Manager: “What do you think you’re doing?”

Me: “We’re out of this.”

Manager: “Put it back. Now.”

Me: “But we’re out of it. We don’t have any more.”

Manager: “It’s still on sale.”

Me: “But there isn’t any.”

Manager: “Oh, does that magically make it not on sale anymore?”

Me: “It makes it not here anymore. People are going to see the sign and ask for it, and we’ll have to tell them we’re out.”

Manager: “Not my problem. Put the sign back up.”

Me: “Not your problem?!”

Manager: “The Elect need not concern themselves with the problems of the Damned. ‘What fellowship hath Christ with Belial? What fellowship hath righteousness with wickedness?’ II Corinthians 6:15.”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Manager: *rolling his eyes and speaking like he’s reciting a memorized speech to an infant* “Some of us have real jobs. Some of us finished high school. Some of us aren’t drug junkies. Put the sign up.”

(I stand there, slack-jawed, with a disgusted look on my face.)

Manager: “SIGN. UP. NOW. Or I’ll write you up for insubordination. ‘Servants, obey your masters in all things, not only when they are watching, but all the time.’ Colossians 3:22.”

Me: *muttering as he walks away* “‘Thou shalt not be a sanctimonious f***-hat.’ [My Name] 3:16.”

(I put the sign back up. Over the next hour, half a dozen people ask about the cheap ham and I have to tell them we’re out of it. Some of them get angry, and I direct them to the manager. Later that night he comes stomping back up to the deli, violently snatches the sign off the counter, turns on his heel, and stomps away without saying a word.)

Me: *loud enough for him to hear* “Is it your problem now?”

(That manager didn’t last long at our store, as he was soon fired for trying to steal liquor and steak. Apparently he told the district manager and the loss prevention officer, “The Elect need not follow the Law of Man but rather the Law of God.” They weren’t persuaded.)