Should Have Explained More Plainly

(I work throughout college. A woman approaches my till with her young daughter.)

Me: “Hi, what would you like today?”

(The woman leans down and says to her daughter loud enough for everyone to hear:)

Woman: “See? THIS is what happens when you don’t do well at school!” *stands up and gives her order extremely slowly, pronouncing every syllable deliberately while I’m trying not to laugh* “…and a plain burger. PLAIN. Do you know what that means?”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware. That’ll be [total], please.”

Woman: “No… No, is that burger PLAAAIN?”

Me: “Yeees, I put that through. [Total], please.”

Woman: “Explain what plain means for me so I’m sure.”

Me: “It means plain, devoid of condiments, bereft of ketchup, void of mustard, a lack of lettuce and onions, nothing but a solitary burger on a lonely bun, the isolated meat longing for the sweet embrace of salads and sauces but doomed to remain on its barren bed awaiting sweet consumption.”

Woman: “What does that mean?”

Me: *head-desk* “[Total], please.”