Should Have Check-ed The Date

(I am the unlucky customer stuck behind this transaction. It’s the holiday season, so the store is very busy.)

Customer: *after all items have been scanned* “Yes, what’s your return policy on this [Large Electronic Item]?”

Cashier: “For this item, it is a 30-day return policy, but you must have the receipt and all of the original packaging.”

Customer: “So if it doesn’t work, I can bring it back tomorrow?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, let me just get my checkbook.”

Cashier: “If you are paying by check, there is a three to five day waiting period before we can issue a refund.”

Customer: “You just said I could return this tomorrow. Which is it?”

Cashier: “We have to wait for the check to clear before refunding you.”

Customer: “MANAGER! NOW!”

(The manager shows up and the cashier explains the question.)

Customer: “I want to buy this tonight and if I don’t like it, I want to return it tomorrow.”

Manager: “That’s not possible; it takes a few days to process checks. We don’t get many, so they only get deposited twice a week.”

Customer: “Just keep it in your safe and if I don’t like it, you can just tear it up when I bring back the item.”

Manager: “That’s not how that works…”

Customer: “Why not? This is 2016! Can’t you figure out a faster way to handle checks?”

(At this point, I step in.)

Me: “Yes, it’s 2016. Who writes checks anymore? Either buy it and wait to return it or use a credit card or debit card like everyone else, but don’t hold up the rest of us because you haven’t learned that writing a check is the slowest form of payment in existence — for everyone involved.”

Customer: *shocked look* “Can she talk to me like that?”

Manager: “She’s not an employee, so…”

(The lady pulls out a credit card and pays. Really? You had one the whole time, lady?! After she has left…)

Cashier: *to me* “Thanks. I’m not allowed to say what I think!”

Me: “I’ve worked retail management; it’s my duty now to speak up when customers suck.”

Cashier: “I’m so sorry; your candy fell into the bag before I could scan it. Have a great night!”