Should Have Bent His Arm Like Beckham

, , , | Right | October 15, 2019

(This bar is in a small-ish town but is the only bar of its type so is usually very busy. This happens on a busy Friday night as I am collecting glasses. A local semi-pro football player is sitting with his girl groupies and grabs my arm as I walk past.)

Customer: *grabs my arm* “Hey, we’ll have three WooWoos and a bottle of champagne.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, this is not a table service bar. You will have to go to the bar to order drinks, I’m afraid.”

Customer: *clearly trying to impress the girls he is with* “You f****** what?! I said three WooWoos and a f****** bottle of champagne, now!” *turning to the girls with a smug grin on his face*

Me: “As I said, sir, we do not offer waiter service. We have three people in and all are behind the bar other than collecting glasses. You will have to order your drinks at the bar yourself.”

Customer: “Look, boy, don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, are you David Beckham?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Ah, well, in that case, you’ll have to go the bar yourself, then.”

Customer: “I won’t f****** come back in here again, you little s***.”

Me: “As you can see, we have people waiting to sit on that table and a queue outside; I doubt we will go out of business. Stop wasting my time and either go order your drinks or leave; I don’t care which! Oh, and for the record, I do know who you are and also know that I’m older than you and make more money than you running this place, so…” *shrug*

(He sheepishly went to the bar as his groupies giggled.)

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