Shopping With Mom Is A “Saga”

Mom: “Help me find something for your sister for Christmas. She’s so hard to shop for; whatever I get her is never quite right.”

Me: “A graphic novel? She likes Brian Vaughn. Or a DVD? There’s some cartoon series she’s into.”

Mom: “No comic books or cartoons; she’s not a child anymore.”

Me: “A bottle of good bourbon?”

Mom: “I’m not giving my daughter liquor for Christmas!”

Me: “Uh… fancy bath stuff from that weird shop she likes?”

Mom: “No, I want to get her something useful.”

Me: “A cookbook? She loves cookbooks.”

Mom: “She has too many cookbooks already.”

Me: “Maybe something else for her kitchen? Her mother-in-law gave her a pasta machine for her birthday and she loved it.”

Mom: “But she doesn’t need those things.”

Me: “A new vacuum cleaner?”

Mom: “What she really needs is nicer clothes to wear to work.”

Me: *internally face-palming* “So… you already knew what you wanted to get her.”

Mom: “But whenever I get her clothes she never really likes them.”

Me: *going from internal face-palming to internal screaming* “So you’re asking me to, what, magically make her like the clothes you pick out?”

Mom: “Just help me find her a present she’ll like!”

(We then went to a department store that I know my sister does not shop at; every time I suggested an item of clothing I thought my sister would conceivably wear, Mom insisted it was not right. She ended up choosing a sweater which wouldn’t fit, and which my sister will end up exchanging for new socks.)

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