Shopping For An Indiana Jones-Themed Dinner Party

(A little old lady walks in.)

Customer: “Excuse me? I need help finding something.”

Me: “Oh, okay. What are you looking for today?”

Customer: *checks list* “First off, where are your live octopus tentacles?”

(I stare at her silently for a moment.)

Me: “I… I don’t think we… um…. carry that particular item. Is there… anything else?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. I’m also looking for porcupine and ostrich meat.”

(This time I’m even more surprised, and it obviously shows.)

Customer: “It doesn’t have to be mixed together. I can do it myself.”

Me: “I’m… I… I don’t think we have… that… either. I’m sorry. You may be interested in—”

Customer: “What about bats? Or toes? I mean, the toes would be pretty expensive, but I can afford them. I’m not poor!”

Me: “T-Toes?”

Customer: “Yes, and don’t try and trick me with monkey toes, because I know what a human toe looks like! They all try to trick me! All of them! I can’t trust you people anymore! You d*** lying b******!”

(I had to get my manager. The woman was kicked out of the store without purchasing anything.)

This story is part of our Monkey-themed roundup!

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