Shockingly Desperate To Get Internet

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] tier three tech support. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hello, I think with the series of bad storms we had here, my Internet and TV got knocked out.”

Me: “Oh, yes, you must be in the Tampa area. I saw on the news about the series of storms that came through. I will be glad to help, and I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “To let you know, I did reset the modem and cable boxes once the power came back on.”

Me: “Good job, and thanks for letting me know this so I don’t have to ask you to do that again. Now, can you confirm your address to make sure I got the right one?”

(The customer confirms their address.)

Me: “Can you let me know what lights you are seeing on the Internet modem? We can get to the cable boxes in a moment.”

Customer: “I see the power light on, I see the uplink and download lights blinking… I also see my Wi-Fi lights 2.4 and 5 ghz on, but not blinking.”

Me: “What about the online light?”

Customer: “It’s off; even when I try to unplug and replug the modem it doesn’t even attempt to light up.”

(I look in his area and notice his house is the only one highlighted as offline. My tool allows me to run trace routes to figure out where the signal drops. It drops right at his house’s tap, which is located on a telephone pole.)

Me: “Sir, not to switch gears here, but can you also look at your cable boxes and let me know if you see either an online, linked, or globe symbol light on?”

(The customer checks and tells me no.)

Me: “Well, sir, you’ve been a great help, but I am afraid those storms did a number on your service. While I think the individual equipment is fine, I do notice signal drops right at your outside node.”

Customer: “You mean the little green box on the telephone pole?”

Me: “I am afraid so.”

Customer: “Oh… I thought you ran everything underground.”

Me: “Not all the time. It depends on city and area if we can run wires under or not. In this case, you are connected through a cable on the telephone pole.”

(The customer gets quiet, but I can hear him moving around like he is putting on something.)

Customer: “Well, I guess someone has to go up there?”

Me: “Yes, sir, let me schedule someone to come out.”

(Right as I say that, I hear a door open and wind picking up, making it harder to hear the customer.)

Me: “Sir? You still with me?”

Customer: “Yes, I am. How soon can you get someone out?”

Me: “Well, due to the storms, my soonest available would be two days from now, in the afternoon.”

Customer: “You mean I am going without my TV and Internet for two whole days? That’s unacceptable.”

Me: “I am sorry for that, and as much as I wish I could turn on those services, due to the storm I can’t even remote in to take a look.”

Customer: “Well, I demand a credit. And honestly, I’ve been a customer for years; why can’t you send someone out now?”

(We rarely send field technicians out the same day, plus his area is backed up due to the storms.)

Me: “Sir, I will be happy to give you a credit for the days you don’t have service, but I cannot send someone out until Thursday afternoon between two and four.”

(It is Tuesday at six pm.)

Customer: “Well, why can’t you send someone out now? Aren’t I a good customer?”

Me: “Yes, you are, but I need you to understand that we already scheduled techs to go out tonight to help fix other people issues who reported them sooner than you did.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that crap. I saw a tech on the next street over; why can’t you call him and tell him to swing by?”

Me: “That is because he has another job that he is already scheduled for—”

Customer: “Not more important than me. Call him; I don’t mind waiting.”

Me: “I am afraid I cannot do that.”

Customer: *sighs*

Me: “Sir, do you want me to schedule someone? I promise you they will be out there. In fact, I don’t mind calling you back to ensure it has been fixed.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you are going to make me wait. Tell you what. Since you are tier-three, walk me through how to fix the wire on the telephone pole. I may not have all the tools, but I am sure I can figure it out.”

(I hear the customer grunting as if he is climbing something.)

Me: “Um, sir, I admire your willingness to get your issue fixed, but—”

Customer: “LISTEN, BOY! I NEED MY SERVICES WORKING! ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT?!”

Me: “Sir, do you realize how dangerous it is to be climbing a telephone pole. Especially during a storm?!”

Customer: “I NEED MY SERVICES TURNED BACK ON! ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT?!”

Me: “Sir—”

(I hear the customer slip while on the phone, then make a joke about it, and then climb back down.)

Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

Customer: “I just took a look at the box. I was an electrician at one point, you know; I can easily figure this out.”

Me: “Sir, if you go up that telephone pole and do something wrong, you can not only make the situation worse by messing with the wrong wires, but you can seriously get hurt. Please let the field techs do this.”

(I hear the customer rustling with some tools. Moments later, his wife screams at him for climbing the telephone pole without a harness.)

Me: “Sir, are… you back up there?”

Customer: “Yes, I need my TV and Internet. What don’t you understand about that? Are you dumb or something? I pay for a service; I demand it work!”

Me: “You have every right to want your services to work, but I will schedule someone to come out there on Thursday. I cannot, however, tell you to climb up a pole to fix the tap outside. That is dangerous, especially with it raining. You can seriously injure–“

(The customer interrupts:)

Customer: “You must be one of those ‘politically correct’ millennials. Tell you what. Since you are useless, send the guy out so I can tell him how useless you are, and I will fix this my d*** self.” *hangs up*

(I scheduled the tech. When I got home that night, I heard about a man who electrocuted himself in Tampa on the news. I begin to panic, knowing that it could be the same guy. Lucky for me, it was someone else and not the customer.)

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