Shock And Jaw

When I was a child, the dentist in our village was this old gruff guy, who was really popular with kids. He was a great dentist and managed to put everyone at ease. When he died, his son took over the practice, and he was, well, not so good.

When I was about twelve, I had an accident where I managed to bash my face into a metal pole. Fortunately, there were no serious injuries, just a bruise on my forehead and chin, a swollen nose, and swollen lips.

My health insurance decided I needed my teeth tested for six months after the incident, so in case there were any issues, they could be linked back to the accident.

So once every month, I had to go to the dentist, where they would put electrodes on my teeth and run an electrical current through to see if the nerves were still alive.

One time, I was sitting in the chair, electrodes on my teeth, and the usual question:

Dentist: “Can you feel anything?”

Me: “No.”

Dentist: “Oh well, we’ll just turn it up a little. Anything?”

Me: “No.”

Dentist: “Just a little bit more. Anything?”

Me: “No, nothing.”

So, he turned it to max, but still nothing. I had visions of my teeth turning black and falling out when he said:

Dentist: “Oh, the machine isn’t turned on.”

And he flipped the switch.

You know these old cartoons, where eyes or teeth are popping out of someone’s head for emphasis? That’s how I felt. The noise I made was probably quite cartoony as well.

His reply?

Dentist: “Well, the nerves are obviously fine.”

No, no, they are not fine. This was forty years ago, and the nerves in my teeth have been awful ever since. Drink a bit too hot? Here, have some nerve pain. You want to eat ice cream? Here, have some nerve pain. Are temperatures dropping below freezing? Here, have some nerve pain.

I am writing this while my front left tooth has decided to remind me, quite forcefully, that it is NOT HAPPY about it being winter.