She’s Trying To Make A Chicken Run

, , , , , | Legal | October 31, 2020

I’m an animal person, especially with dogs, cats, and farm birds. I own more than a dozen chickens: four Brahmas, five Australorps, three Golden Wyandotte’s, and a Barred Rock.

I am just hanging out with the chickens, sitting on some ‘clean’ grass as they climbed all over me and dug up loose dirt for dust baths. I look up, and see a strange woman outside the chicken run, someone I had never seen before.

Woman: “I love your chickens!”

Me: “Well, thank you.”

I have a soft spot for my girls, so when they get compliments, my pride gets swollen.

Woman: “I wish I had some of my own.”

She enters the run and leans down to pet the social one.

Woman: “Are you open to selling any?”

I’m a little insulted, as they are like my children, but I brush it off.

Me: “No, sorry.”

Woman: *Ticked off* “Why not?”

Me: “I’ve raised them since they were chicks, and they are like family to me.”

Woman: “They’re just chickens! They can’t reciprocate feelings!”

She picks up my social chicken by her neck and tail, which makes her panic and sends another chicken into a frenzy, who proceeds to attack the woman. The social chicken is dropped and runs to me, hopping into my arms to calm down.

Me: “What was that you said about feelings?”

Visibly pissed, she grabs one of the Brahmas and tries to leave.

Me: “Oh, no you don’t!”

With the help of my attacking chicken, I grab the Brahma from her and comfort her.

Woman: “How dare you! I demand that you give me that bird!”

Me: “No. The only thing I should give you is a good punch in the face.”

My anger is leaking into chicken, who purrs angrily and puffs up her feathers.

Woman: *Takes out her phone.* “I’m calling the police!”

Me: “Fine. We’ll see who gets arrested.”

After a few minutes of this woman screaming and my parents asking about the situation, the police arrive. It’s just one officer, but I recognize him from a protest at school last year.

Officer: “What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: “He had his chickens attack me! Look!”

She holds her arm out to show him the marks my chicken made.

Officer: “Uh-huh. Is that true, sir?”

I speak calmly, still comforting my poor Brahma.

Me: “No. She tried to steal my chicken.”

Woman: “That is not true!”

Officer: “Ma’am, I’ll be with you in a moment. I need to talk to him alone.”

She wants to argue, but is scared off by my still-angry, who squawks at her. I give my statement to him, and he asks if I want to press charges since I’m an adult.

Me: “Only if she refuses to never come back.”

He leaves to talk with her, and I soon hear shouting. Something about freedom and rights. However, the silence returns, and I soon hear her car speeding off. The officer returns.

Officer: “She won’t be coming back, but we’ll be keeping an eye on her.”

After a little more talking, he leaves, and I’m able to calm the chickens down. Talk about a crazy afternoon!

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