She’s Not The Sharpest Item In The Luggage

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2021

CONTENT WARNING: SELF-HARM

I work as a security guard, screening passengers at the airport.

A lady is pulled over for a bag check because a knife is seen on the X-ray of her carry-on luggage. The knife in question turns out to be a pâté knife. For those readers who are unaccustomed to fine food, there are two kinds of pâté knife: a blunt one and one with a sharpened edge for slicing cold meats.

I pull the knife out of her bag, and guess which type it is?

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but this is sharp so you can’t take it.”

Passenger: “It’s not sharp!”

Me: “No, it’s definitely sharp, so you can’t take it, sorry.”

At this point, like lightning, the lady reaches over the counter and snatches the knife.

Passenger: “IT’S! NOT! SHAAARP!”

She punctuated each screamed word by slashing at her wrist with the knife. On the third stroke, she sliced her wrist deeply.

The knife was confiscated.

I’m certain that she’ll have a nice scar to remind her to behave better in future, especially since she refused any treatment, opting instead for a wad of paper towel which quickly got soaked.

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