She’s Not A Catho-Holic

(My grandmother is an Irish immigrant, and it always surprises everyone that she’s a believer in equal rights for all given that she was raised Irish Catholic. She meets a friend of mine for the first time who’s very heavily tattooed with demonic-looking artwork.)

Grandmother: *poking my friends arm* “Oh, that’s quite pretty.”

Friend: “Um… thanks?”

Grandmother: “Do you get lots of comments on those?”

(She pauses to watch a news report on a new anti-gay rights law people are trying to pass, and starts mumbling in Irish.)

Friend: *quietly, to me* “What’s she mad about?”

Me: *laughing* “Do you want the censored translation?”

Friend: “Well, no. I mean is she mad because they’re passing the law or because—”

Grandmother: *to my friend* “I’m old, not an a**-hole!”

(Shocked silence.)

Me: *to my friend* “Welcome to the family.”