She’s Just Jelly Because She Has Jelly

, , , , , , | Working | May 29, 2018

(I work at a small science museum, and in addition to part-time staff we have volunteers. Most of our volunteers are elders and come with their fair share of quirks. One volunteer is a nuisance to eat lunch with, because she always criticizes what other people are eating. I usually bring reasonably healthy frozen store-bought meals. I cook my own breakfast, and dinner is always freshly prepared. Lunch is my only frozen meal. I always dread if I am scheduled to have a break at the same time as her, as conversations like the following will occur.)

Volunteer: “What are you eating?”

Me: “Chicken fajita rice bowl.”

Volunteer: “What’s in that?”

Me: “Chicken, beans, rice, and seasoning.”

Volunteer: “You could have made that at home, honey.”

Me: “I don’t have time.”

Volunteer: “Find time and freeze it. I freeze everything. What else do you have?”

Me: *hungry and wanting to eat and not talk* “No-junk protein bar.”

Volunteer: “Ugh. Sounds disgusting. What’s in it?”

Me: “Organic coconut, pea protein, almonds, tapioca powder…”

Volunteer: “And a million things you can’t pronounce?”

Me: “No, it’s all raw, organic ingredients.”

Volunteer: “Probably tastes awful.”

Me: “No, they’re really good.”

Volunteer: “Sure they are.”

Me: “…”

Volunteer: “You know, you kids really need to eat more healthily. I always worry about what you eat.”

(The volunteer then started eating her gelatin dessert, and I simultaneously pondered whether she was joking or if I should eat a lump of cold poison for lunch.)

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