She’s Going To Have Kittens If You Don’t Tell Her

(I volunteer at an animal shelter. We have a man who has driven for an hour and a half to adopt a cat for his wife’s birthday as a surprise. He works in the mines 14 days on, 7 days off, so he usually does not go out on his days off, and apparently, his wife finds this suspicious. He receives a phone call just as he is finalising the paperwork. I cannot hear her end of the conversation.)

Man: *phone rings* “Oh, hello, honey. What’s up?” *wife speaks* “Oh, I am just out.” *wife speaks* “I just had some things to do.”

(His wife speaks a little louder.) 

Man: “Yeah, I know it’s my day off. I just had some things to get!”

(His wife speaks, if possible, louder.) 

Man: “All right, all right, all right! Woman, I’m getting you a birthday present!”

(There is silence for a moment before she speaks again.) 

Man: “No, I’m not going to tell you what it is!… No… No… NO!… If you keep guessing I am putting it back.”

(The kitten decides to meow at him at that moment. There is silence, and then an audible squeal comes out of the phone. He sighs.)

Man: “I will see you soon.” *hangs up* “So much for surprises.”