She’s Going At 00 MPH

I’m working in the fitting room near where we have our bras. My manager refers a lady in her late fifties or early sixties to me and tells me she needs a fitting. I measure her, and she’s on the much smaller side.

Me: “All right! I’ve got your size. What kind of bra are you looking for so I can pull a few options for you?”

Customer: “I need a push-up strapless bra. I have a wedding to go to.”

Me: “Great! That’s exciting! I’ll grab a few options and go from there.”

She comes out of the fitting room after trying on what I brought her.

Customer: “I like none of these.”

Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can do. What didn’t you like about them?”

Customer: *Agitated* “I need more oomph! Much more oomph!”

Due to her age, she doesn’t exactly have the “perkiest of assets,” so I already know this is going to be difficult; you can’t exactly push up nothing.

Me: “All right, well, these are all of our options for strapless with the push-up. They do come with clear straps which sometimes help.”

Customer: “No! What do you not understand about strapless? And why didn’t you give me one of those to try on?”

She points to our other strapless options, but they are not push-up bras.

Me: “Those aren’t push-up, but if you want to try them I can grab some for you to try.”

Customer: “What do you not understand about me wanting more OOMPH?! I need push-up!”

Me: “Of course. Unfortunately, I don’t think we have anything that fits what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Don’t you have anything that can give me more OOMPH? I need OOMPH!”

This time she adds a gesture implying lifting her breasts up high to accompany her increasing anger.

Me: “The only other option that has more padding, unfortunately, has straps.”

Customer: “Well, that won’t work! Why can’t you get me a strapless that has that much push-up?”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

I try really hard to phrase this correctly.

Me: “These are the bra styles we sell here. We might be able to recommend another store for you that may have what you’re looking for, if that’s of any interest to you.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what is so hard about giving more OOMPH! And why are you making me go to another store? I need more oomph, do you understand?”

I gave my manager the “help me” eyes and she took over. The woman did not find a bra. I was never more thankful for my manager.