She’s Glued To That Solution

I work in a home improvement store. The job has taught me that some people have a very limited understanding of how stuff works. A woman walks up to me.

Customer: “I need glue to fasten a very heavy object to a very flimsy fitting. It’s also going to be used to support other things.”

This is an absolute structural gong show. There is no glue in the world that will do what she asks. I suggested a variety of workable options using fasteners. She refuses, insisting the parts have to come together in her complicated, structurally-questionable way using only glue. Finally, I give up.

Customer: “So, what can I use to glue these together?”

Me: “Magic.”