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She’ll Have To Settle For Being NAR Famous

, , , | Right | December 2, 2021

I have a woman, who I believe is intoxicated, call my motorcycle store at around 10:30 am on a Sunday.

Me: “Good morning. Thanks for calling Famous [Motorcycle Store]. This is [My Name] speaking; how may I direct your call?”

Drunk Woman: *Pauses* “Why’s… why’s it famous?”

Me: “It’s the largest [Motorcycle Store] on the East Coast. We have an enormous showroom and plenty of excellent sales planners to help you find exactly what you’re looking for.”

Drunk Woman: *Pauses* “What is this again?”

Me: “Famous [Motorcycle Store]? The motorcycle dealer, ma’am. We sell motorcycles and equipment.”

Drunk Woman: “Do you… do you make… people famous?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, though I… believe that we can make you noticeable, yes.”

Drunk Woman: “Oh… well… I wanna be famous. Can you help me?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry.”

Drunk Woman: “I just wanna… be famous, okay? ‘S that so hard t’ ask?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you don’t want merchandise or a motorcycle, then perhaps you should try another business.”

Drunk Woman: “Oh… okay… g’bye.”

I hang up. I swig some orange juice and think about how my life led up to working in a motorcycle store with people demanding to be famous. Then, the phone rings.

Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling Famous [Motorcycle Store]—”

I hear her belting out the most horrible attempt at singing at full volume.

Drunk Woman: “FFFAAAAMOUSSS! I WANNA BE FAMOUSSS! THEY MAKE YOU FAMMMOUS AATT… ATT… [unintelligible].”

I was serenaded for about five seconds, torn between laughing outright and throwing in the towel entirely, as it was not even an hour into the eight-hour shift I was working. Drunks before 11:00 am can’t mean much for your day.

I finally pulled myself together and told her that, as much as I liked her singing talents, we were a business and couldn’t take these sorts of calls.

I didn’t hear from her again, but I did have a good laugh with some of the other employees about it. It could have been worse.