She’ll Get A Hold On You; Believe It 

(I go to see Phil Collins’ “Still Not Dead Yet” show in mid-July and have a blast with my wife. Two days later, I’m in a restaurant kitchen unloading their delivery when “Easy Lover” comes on the radio.)

Me: “Oh, man, this was such a great song live, the way he performed with the background singer.”

(A female chef looks up with what I can only describe as a look of envy.)

Chef: “I wanted to go, too, but my boyfriend was going to buy the tickets, and he said they were sold out.”

Me: “Uh, my wife said there were a few thousand tickets still open.” 

(Goffertpark has a capacity of 50,000. I literally see the chef’s face going from envy and sadness to pure rage.)

Chef: “That motherf*****, not again!”

(She storms out of the kitchen.)

Head Chef: “Yeah, that’s the second time her boyfriend pulled that stunt when she really wanted to go and he didn’t.”

(I haven’t been back yet, so I don’t know if the boyfriend woke up with a chef’s blade in his gut or not.)