Shedding Some Light On The Birds And The Bees

, , , , , | Related | September 3, 2020

When I am in college, I go to a local community college and am still living at home. I don’t have my own car and am sharing with my parents. On days when I have to work and don’t have the car, one of my parents drops me off at class in the morning and picks me up after work.

One day, I am having a really bad headache as my dad picks me up. We’re on the freeway stuck in stop-and-go traffic and there’s a semi next to us. I keep getting flashes of sun from the gap between the cab and the load the truck is hauling. This is just making things worse, so I’ve sort of twisted myself in the front seat so that I can face the driver’s side with the back of my head toward the sun.

Dad: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Yeah, just a bad headache.”

Dad: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yep.”

Dad glances at me out of the corner of his eye.

Dad: “You’re not…” *whispers* “…pregnant, are you?”

Me: “No!”

Dad: “Well, I mean, do you know how that works?”

I’m about twenty-two, so I do know how it works. Granted, it also would be impossible for me to be pregnant right now since I haven’t had a serious relationship since high school, and the only dates I’ve been on since have not led to sex, but that’s beside the point.

Me: “Yeah, do you?”

Dad: “Of course I do!”

Me: “Well, I’m missing one pretty important piece of that equation.”

Dad: *Laughs* “Ah, right. Don’t tell me that.”

The rest of the car ride was uneventful. When we got home, I relayed the story to my mom who laughed and just shook her head at my dad. I love my dad, I do, but sometimes I think he’s kind of like Steve Martin in “Father of the Bride,” where he still sees me as his little girl in pigtails playing with Barbies, so when he hears about me doing more “adult” things, it throws him for a loop.

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