She Uses The Google

, | | Right | July 20, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy design request you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Client: “Hi! I need a website…”

Me: “Okay. Well, to start, tell me a little about what exactly you are looking for.”

Client: “Nothing big…just 2-4 pages with my company’s info, and our phone number. It wont need to be updated. I just need a basic web page. I just opened a dog grooming business, and I feel we need a site.”

Me: “Okay, well I would be glad to help you out…”

Client: *interrupts* “One catch though. My friend told me that I need to get on Google.”

Me: “Yes, we offer Search Engine Optimization…” *explains SEO* “…and generally your page will be indexed within about a month.”

Client: “No, I need my site to be on Google immediately! I want to be able to type in ‘Dog Grooming’ and have it be the first listing on Google. I need the site in about 4 days, and it has to be on Google by then also.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s impossible. Besides, you’re a local dog groomer, in NY, you don’t need people to from California to be able to find you. No offense but it’s not like people are going to fly across the country to have you cut their dog’s hair.”

Client: “I guess you’re right. Okay, well then lets go with ‘local dog grooming’ instead. How much do you charge for your services?”

Me: “Well ma’am, I’m afraid it’s going to be impossible to get your site built in 4 days and have it listed, by then, as the number 1 result on the largest search engine, for a term as broad as ‘Local Dog Grooming’, but we can come back to that. A ballpark quote for your site, and this is just the design and upload–this is not for the SEO you want–possibly…$250.”

Client: “That is ridiculous…I am going to just buy Dreamweaver. ”

Me: “Ma’am, just Dreamweaver alone is $399 and even then you’re going to need to learn how to use it.”

Client: “Well can you teach me?”

Me: “Ummm…I don’t mean to sound rude, but I went to 4 years of school for this, and make a living doing web design. I don’t feel comfortable training you. That’s sort of like if I were to come to your establishment, and ask you if you could take your time to show me how to properly cut my dogs hair, rather than paying you to do it.”

Client: *speaking to someone else near her* “The sh*t people will tell you just to be able to steal your money!” *click*

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  • Puzzled

    Why not design the site for the exposure?

    • John Smith

      I’m sure a web design firm is capable of gaining exposure without doing free work. Exposure is their entire business. Even if the OP were inclined to do the job for free, it still wouldn’t be done in 4 days. Website design takes at least a month.

      • Puzzled

        Sorry, forgot the /sarc.

        • John Smith

          No that’s my bad. I should have picked up on it.

      • lightice

        You can do a basic design in a couple of days, even quite good one, assuming that you have all the materials at hand. But few clients bother copywriting all the content and getting all the pictures ready before commissioning the job.

        • John Smith

          Web design firms have more than one customer at a time, so requesting a website in four days is just unrealistic.

          • lightice

            Ofcourse. I was talking about the perspective of a freelancer in an ideal situation — a rarity, I know.

    • Susan Santos

      Do you read clientsfromhell too? Lol

    • Difdi

      Somehow I doubt that exposure is all that valuable. After all, if you try to pay Donald Trump (the poster boy for the meme) in exposure, he sues you for the money you owe him.

  • Kevin Conti

    Oh, what the heck.

    *Googles ‘local dog grooming’ to see if a groomer in New York pops up as the first result*

    Nope, I guess not.

    • Novelista

      (*tries same*)

      Oh, I forgot there’s a new place in town called the Groomery and it popped up on the right side as a suggestion from google. Bet that makes them happy!

      (Not the place I go when the knots in my cat’s fur are too much, but that’s just me.)

  • EJ Nauls-Poland

    I remember this one. As a web developer in training myself, it brought a smile to my face.

  • Ophelia

    Did she not realize that every dog grooming business owner would want their business to be at the top of a Google search and that she’d be competing with each and every one of them?

  • Akamar

    As a creative freelancer, this makes me want to toss a table.

  • Cody Ranney

    If it weren’t for the “*click*” at the end I would have thought this was a face to face interaction.

  • Sara van der Merwe

    “Steal your money”

    I think you mean “make money.”

  • denim

    Not a client.

  • Dendrox

    Ah web development and just consumer programming in general. You spend hours working on their impossible ideas then they decide to keep making gigantic changes that require you to change large chunks of your code or even redo everything from scratch and they expect the changes to be done within the hour. Oh then they want a discount because you took longer than a day to make their website/program.

    • lightice

      And that’s why you make a watertight contract first, and only then do any work. If your client’s already approved a segment of your work, they better be ready to pay double if they want it changed after the fact.