She Uses The Google, Part 3

Me: “Thank you for calling the [Company] Festival. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh, thank God! I need help! Your website is terrible. I can’t do anything on it! All I want to do is book my damn tickets. This is f***ing disgusting.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble! I can help you book your seats. What show are you interested in?”

Caller: “I just can’t do anything on it. I can’t even find the calendar. You really need to be more accessible. This is the worst website I have ever seen! Who the h*** made this trash?”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. If you are having this much trouble, I would be more than happy to help you order over the phone. It will only take a—”

Caller: “NO!”

Me: “No?”

Caller: “Tell me how to do this. I’m not a stupid old crone.”

Me: “Sure! I can guide you through the process. Are you on our website at this moment?”

Caller: “Of course I’m f***ing on your website!”

Me: “Okay, then. The first thing I want you to do is login. I can create a temporary username and password on this end for you to use.”

Caller: “Login?”

Me: “At the very top of the page it should say ‘Welcome, please login.’ I want you to click that message.”

Caller: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It should be in big bold red letters, right above our logo.”

Caller: “Don’t be stupid. All it says is ‘Google!'”

(As you can imagine, the call went on for quite some time before I finally convinced her to let me book her order over the phone!)