She Really Needs An Attorney… And Probably A Therapist

A few years ago, I worked for the Solicitor General of the country I lived in. (In other words, he was the prosecutor for the state.

We got weird calls a lot, but this lady was the most memorable. She had been arrested for something — I don’t remember what — and was awaiting trial. She called our office every day, and she called a lot after midnight. She would leave voicemails demanding a call back, and then she’d call back a few minutes later wanting to know why no one had returned her call. 

Her voicemails were wacky; she would curse, scream, and cry. One of her voicemails went like this.

Angry Defendant: “These charges are bogus! I did nothing wrong! Everyone is out to get me! You are! The police, the judge, my neighbors, the governor, and the media are all in on this. Call me back right away.”

Five minutes later, she left another voicemail.

Angry Defendant: “I know you are there! Why are you not answering my calls? I am moving to Sweden next week. Call me back now!”

We got the same type of voicemails from her every other night.

We did talk to her and told her numerous times she needed to get a lawyer. Every time, she claimed to have a lawyer and that it was the public defender. The public defender said she was not his client. 

I got her number and wrote it next to the phones so we wouldn’t have to answer her calls. 

One day, she tricked us and called from another phone. I got the call.

Angry Defendant: “I am innocent! I need you to drop these charges. I am moving to Canada next week. Why can’t you help me?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to get an attorney. We can’t discuss this with you.”

Angry Defendant: “I have an attorney! It’s [Public Defender].”

Me: “Okay, please call him from now on. He will be able to assist you.”

Angry Defendant: “But I don’t have an attorney!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Please reach out to an attorney. I can give you the public defender’s number.”

Angry Defendant: “He’s my attorney!”

Me: “Okay. We can’t help you, then. Please stop calling our office.”

A few days later, she left five messages after midnight about how everyone was in on these bogus charges and the judge was paying us, the media, and the governor to pursue these charges against her. She then added that she was calling the governor to represent her in her case and she was moving to Italy next week. 

We didn’t hear from her again after that.

I quit a couple of weeks later and moved, so I don’t know the final outcome.