She Planted Herself Firmly And Would Not Be Moved

My wife and I are flying to Scotland for my cousin’s wedding. We are behind the emergency exit row on the plane. There is an older couple in front of us, and the woman is holding a plant.

Attendant: “I’m sorry, madam, but you’ll need to put your plant in the overhead locker. This is the emergency exit row.”

Woman: “I can’t put my plant up there. It might get damaged.”

Attendant: “Then I will need you to move seats.”

Woman: “But I don’t want to move seats.”

Attendant: “Then the plant needs to go in the overhead locker.”

And so the merry-go-round continues. I cannot emphasize enough that the only thing holding up this flight is a plant and a stubborn jerk.

Me: “Excuse me. Sorry for interrupting, but can I hold the plant?”

Attendant: *Clearly grateful* “Thank you, sir.”

I am reluctantly handed this time-wasting weed for take-off and landing. I firmly resist turning it into a hat for the lady.

On arrival in Scotland…

Woman: “Thank you for that. It’s quite a rare orchid, you know.”

Such a rare specimen, flying in a supermarket carrier bag on a UK budget airline — must be rarer than rocking horse manure considering its luxurious journey.