She Needs More L-Ascorbic Acid In Her Diet

Today, I learned not to make small talk with customers.

Customer: “Cheeseburger, fries, and orange juice.”

Me: “Oh, getting in that vitamin C, very good!”

Customer: “What? What vitamins?!“

Me: “Oh, just that orange juice is a good source of vitamin C.”

Customer: “What are you adding to the orange juice? I just wanted oranges! None of that chemical crap!”

Me: “It’s just a naturally occurring ingredient in oranges, ma’am. It’s not anything that we added here.”

Customer: “So, you added it at the factories?! All you big companies are pumping our bodies full of chemicals! Where is your manager?!”

I call my manager over and explain the situation, while we both share a look that says, “This woman is scared about putting chemicals into her body, but she’s not worried about the fries and burger. No, it’s the 100% pure squeezed orange juice she has an issue with.”

Customer: “You guys are illegally pumping chemicals into our bodies! I want a complete list of all the ingredients in everything you’re serving!”

I leave my manager to it and go to serve other customers. A minute later, I see the customer run out of the store screaming about chemicals and how she’s been “unlawfully vaccinated.”

Me: “What did you tell her?”

Manager: “Just that there was sodium chloride in her burger.” 

Me: “So… salt?”

Manager: “Yes, but most anti-vaxxers can’t tell the difference when you start using chemical names for household ingredients, so I figured I would just go down that route.”

Throughout the day, he goes on to Google on his phone and starts shouting out little ingredient factoids:

Manager: “From now on, I’m not gonna tell people that the orange juice contains citric acid, but instead 2-Hydroxypropane-1,2,3-tricarboxylic acid!“ 

And so on…