She Must Be High(lands)
(We get called to a hay-bale fire in a field. We were the first on scene, but we couldn’t see any fire. The incident was also right next to an air force base. I end up calling the person who reported the fire.)
Me: “Can you please tell us where the fire is, ma’am?”
Caller: *slurring her words* “It’s doon there in the field. There’s a few hay bales on fire, aye.”
Me: “Thank you. We will just have a look.”
(We look.)
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we couldn’t find any trace of a fire in that field. Are you sure you saw flames?”
Caller: “No, but I did see some odd lights in the sky. I thought it was one of them UFOs. I thought you would want tae have a wee bittie look!”
Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. We’re the fire brigade. We only deal with fires. Perhaps you would like to speak to the air force base next door?”
Caller: “Ach, it’s fine. I’ll just carry on watching the telly then, and hope the b****** dinnae come back!”
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