She Isn’t A Shrimping Violet

(I’m out shopping with my Grandma, who’s always right. We’re looking for packs of spaghetti. Grandma finally finds a pack of it, and unfortunately this store only sells one specific brand.)

Grandma: “Let me see this. Ugh. They have shrimp in it! Outrageous! I can’t eat shrimp. This is no good!”

(She puts it back.)

Me: “Wait, let me see…grandma, it’s alright. They just printed an image of a shrimp onto the pack. The spaghetti itself is made out of plain wheat and water.”

Grandma: “No, it isn’t. You don’t know anything!”

Me: “No, look, on the ingredient list right here. It says ‘wheat and water’.”

Grandma: “So they grind the shrimp into the noodles then.”

Me: “No, it’s just—”

Grandma: “Be quiet, you don’t know better than me.”

Me: “But—”

Grandma: “You don’t know anything about this world! I know the shrimp is lurking somewhere in these spaghetti!”