She Hates Lefties

Coworker: “Why are you left-handed now?”

Me: “I’m ambidextrous, and today I need to use my left hand.”

Coworker: “You’re like one of those hipster thingies aren’t you? You pretend to be different things, like a man one day and a woman the next, and then some days you pretend you’re nothing. It makes me sick. Be normal, you homo!”

Me: “Well, aren’t you a seething pot of excrement.”

(She complained to HR about that comment and we had to do a counselling session together. She started crying at one point, and I got very cold looks from the counsellor, as though it was my fault. The counsellor’s attitude changed, though, at the end of the meeting, when I signed a form with my right hand, and my coworker went on a virtually identical rant. The counsellor advised she take time off. It’s been three months and she still isn’t back. I do the payroll, so I know she is still getting paid, and nothing has come my way saying why she has been off for so long.)