She Has VVIP Membership

(My best friend is a lesbian, and my wife and I tend to use her as a sort of tie-breaker for silly arguments.)

Wife: “You are so full of crap!”

Me: “Do you want me to go ask [Friend]?”

Wife: “No, she’s just going to agree with you!”

Me: “No, sometimes she sides with you just so they don’t revoke her vagina mafia membership.”