She Has Bad Jeans

, , , , , , | Related | April 25, 2019

(I have a cousin who I’ve never really been close to, for good reason. I’m 12 years old while she is 14. I’m out shopping with her and my auntie — her mum.)

Cousin: “Oh, these jeans.” *points to $200 jeans* “I want them.”

Auntie: “What? No. Sorry, we can’t afford them right now. Your birthday is coming up; maybe you can get them then.”

Cousin: *yelling* “NO! I want them now!”

(People are staring.)

Auntie: “I’m sorry. We just can’t afford them.”

(My cousin then throws herself on the ground and starts kicking and screaming, throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old until my auntie gives in and buys them for her. From then on, I refuse to go shopping with them. Fast forward twenty years: I have moved interstate for work. Along with my boyfriend, I’m visiting my parents for their 40th wedding anniversary which is a family BBQ. My cousin, auntie, and uncle are there. After dinner, my boyfriend gets down on one knee and proposes to me. Before I can even respond:)

Cousin: “NO! NO! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!”

(Everyone turns to look at her.)

Auntie: “What’s wrong?”

Cousin: *to me* “You can’t get engaged.”

Me: “What?”

Cousin: “I’m the older, prettier, smarter one. I’m better than you; I should get married first.”

(My whole family is in shock. I’m sick of her temper tantrums and thinking she’s better than me, so I decide to stand up for myself.)

Me: “Just because you’re a stuck-up, self-centered b**** doesn’t mean you get to dictate when I get engaged or married.” *to my boyfriend* “Of course, I’ll marry you!”

(My cousin threw a glass bowl full of punch through a glass door, and then threw herself on the ground crying and screaming that it was so unfair. My uncle had to pick her up and carry her out to their car, while we were left to deal with the cleanup at the ruined anniversary/engagement party. My cousin ended up at the ER to get stitches for cuts from the broken glass door. She wasn’t invited to my wedding, and I’m not surprised to say she’s still single and none of my family speaks to her.)

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