She Didn’t Marry Him For His Sense

(I work in a law firm as an office manager and administrator. Our firm only deals with criminal law, personal injury and immigration. A scruffy-looking guy comes in one day.)

Customer: “Hi, I wonder if you could help me. My wife is going to divorce me and I want custody of my kids.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t deal with family law here. Only criminal, personal injury, and immigration.”

Customer: “Why won’t you help me?! My kids need to be with me; their mum is crazy!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not deal with family law here. I would be happy to refer you to another firm that can help you.”

Customer: *shouting* “Oh, you are just discriminating against me! Get your manager for me right now!”

Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Oh, hi there. I wondered if you could help me. My wife wants to divorce me.”

Me: “I’ve already told you we can’t help you here.”

Customer: “But look, I’ve got lots of money. I can pay you if that’s the problem!”

(The man then picks up a bag he has, turns it upside down, and empties the whole bag full of pennies onto my desk.)

Customer: “See, money. Now, help me.”

Me: “Listen, you need to leave right now. Take your pennies and leave the building, or I’m going to call security.”

Customer: “Aah!” *picks up a penny, throws it at me, and runs out, leaving all his pennies*