Sexually-Transmitted Translation
(I am a foreign college student and I need to see a gynecologist for the first time. I also need to fill out a medical information form that’s all in Chinese.)
Receptionist: “Can you read Chinese?”
Me: “The basics, but I have trouble with medical vocab.”
Receptionist: “Okay, start filling what you can and come back when there’s no line.”
(I do so and the receptionist translates while I answer.)
Receptionist: “Okay, this says, ‘Are you sexually active?’”
Me: *circles yes*
Receptionist: “Okay, and this says, ‘What protection do you use? Check all applicable.’”
Me: “Okay, does it say, ‘dental dam,’ somewhere?”
Receptionist: “Huh?”
Me: “Um… for oral protection.”
Receptionist: “This is asking what you do to not get pregnant.”
Me: “So, it’s ‘contraceptive,’ not ‘protection’?”
Receptionist: “Same thing.”
Me: “No… It isn’t. Okay, where does it ask for the gender of my partner?”
Receptionist: “Gender?”
Me: “Yes. I’m sexually active with women, not men.”
Receptionist: *long pause, looks around as if for help* “Then you put, ‘No,’ for sexually active and skip these questions.”
Me: “Don’t you care about me getting STDs?”
Receptionist: “Huh?”
Me: “It means I can still get STDs, as I’m sexually active, but you want me to put, ‘No,’ for being sexually active.”
Receptionist: *blank stare* “Uh. Let me talk to the doctor.”
(I am not called back for a while, and when I am, it’s for the actual appointment.)
Doctor: “I’m sorry about the form. We never get people like you. Let’s continue.” *hands form back to me*
(I noticed next to the line asking about being sexually active, “lesbian” was written in, in English. She helped me fill the rest of the form, adding — in English — the details it didn’t support, with no further issues.)
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What is the absolute most stupid thing you’ve heard a customer say?
