Selfie Sick

(During a town festival our class is holding a bake sale to raise money for our graduation party. Occasionally, customers will ask for a sample before buying something, so we have a plate with a few bite size pieces ready. A man in his 60s comes along.)

Customer: “Oh, that cake looks delicious! Could I get a sample?”

Classmate: “Sure!”

(Before she can grab one, the customer pulls a fork out of his pocket and proceeds to unfold it, much like a telescope. The thing is almost a meter long. He then takes one of the samples with it. We all start laughing.)

Me: “Wow, that’s a pretty cool gadget! Where did you get something like that?”

Customer: “Oh, you can get this kind of stuff in dollar stores all the time! Here, look, I have some really fun things with me at all times. Never know when you might need it!”

(He then proceeds to pull increasingly ridiculous items out of his pockets, locking my classmate and me into a lengthy conversation. We don’t really mind, since it isn’t busy. He seems a little bizarre, but not overly creepy, until he whips out an angled mirror, extendable like the fork…)

Customer: “And this thing, you can use to look under pretty, young ladies’ skirts!”

My Classmate & Me: “…”

Customer: *winks and stretches across the table, as if to use the mirror as described*

(We both jumped back. Before we could say anything, he laughed and wandered off. And he didn’t even buy anything!)