Self-Assembled Marriage

(My housemate is going to move out and get his own place soon, but since our current place is furnished, he has very little stuff of his own. He’s talking to his mother on Skype.)

Housemate: “So, I still need to get a bed, and a couch, and some dishes and things.”

(There is a noticeable pause as his mother says something on her end.)

Housemate: “Well, I guess that’s one way. Hey, [my name], will you marry me?”

Me: “Do I have to break up with [my boyfriend]?”

Housemate: “No, I like [boyfriend]; you can keep him.”

Me: “Hmmm… no, I don’t want to move. Sorry, man.”

Housemate: *to his mother* “Okay, wedding gifts are out as a way of furnishing my apartment. Can you take me to IKEA tomorrow?”

(After the call is over…)

Me: “Your mom is a little desperate for a daughter-in-law and grandkids, isn’t she?”

Housemate: “Just a bit. She was actually genuinely disappointed that you said no.”