Seeing Red Over Not Seeing Green

(My friend has managed to get a lot out of me, like money, food, etc. One day I’ve had enough.)

Friend: “Can I borrow $50? I’ll pay you back on Monday. Promise.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. I don’t have much money right now and I want to save up what I have to spend on something special for myself. I would if I could, but I can’t really afford it. ”

Friend: “Oh, come on! We both know you have $[three-digit number] in your account. You can lend me $50 and still have left over. Please?”

Me: “As I said, I’m trying to save up what money I have. Can’t you ask your parents?”

Friend: “Nah, I don’t want to burden them.”

Me: “And you don’t mind burdening me?”

Friend: “Well, we’re friends! Isn’t that what friends are for?”

Me: “Sure, but friends also respect each other’s choices, and I would really appreciate it if you could respect that right now. I am not comfortable giving you MY money because I want to keep it for MYSELF. I’ve worked hard for it. If you want money, you can get a job. I have a job to earn myself extra cash; not to pay for your cute tops.”

Friend: “What the h***? No need to get so angry! It’s just 50 bucks!”

Me: “If it’s ‘just 50 bucks’ then you can get it from your parents. They can afford it more than I can. What you want me to lend you is everything I earned this week. If I was going to lose that money, why did I bother going to work?”

Friend: “But I’ll return it on Monday, like I said.”

Me: “How can I trust that? I’ve lent you money in the past and it’s never been given back. You’re at least $200 in debt to me and that doesn’t even include the food I buy you when we go out. It would be closer to $300. If you bring me that on Monday, then I’ll lend you the $50.”

Friend: “But I need it this weekend!”

Me: “Then get it from your parents. You won’t be getting it from me. If I lend this money to you, I’ll be $350 out of pocket, spent on frivolities for you. I can’t trust that I’ll get the money back, because like I said, you still owe me at least $300 from past purchases.”

Friend: “My parents won’t say yes.”

Me: “And neither will I.”

Friend: “This is what friends are for. You help each other out. So, are you going to help me or not?”

Me: “Like I told you, no. Besides, it would really ‘help’ me if you returned the money I lend you when you promise – but you don’t, because I’m still waiting on a few hundred dollars from you. If friends are for helping, then I shouldn’t be the only one giving assistance. I need it from you, too. I can’t trust that you’ll return all my money, and given that I can barely afford it, and have the right to keep my money for myself, which I worked hard for, I’m not comfortable lending you anything else.”

Friend: “So much for best friends.”

Me: “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you. But I’ve bought you three tops in the past two weeks, out of my own pocket, as well as McDonald’s after school twice a week, none of which you have paid me back for. On top of that I listen to your own problems despite the fact that you haven’t listened to mine in over three months. I stand up for you when other girls talk behind your back. I help you with your homework. I’ve been as good a friend as I could possibly have been to you. I don’t see how failing to give you money, when I have every right to deny it to you, renders all that moot.”

Friend: “Because you won’t help me out. That’s why.”

Me: “But that’s what I’m saying. I do help you out, but I’ve reached my limit. What I do with my money is my choice, and I’ve chosen to give you at least $300 worth of junk. I do not wish to spend any more of that money when I cannot be sure I will get it back.”

Friend: “You’ll regret this.”

(I didn’t. She went to her parents and showed them the texts; she honestly believed she was in the right. Not only did I get the full $300 back from her parents, but she was grounded from shopping for three months, all packages delivered as a result of online shopping after that event sent back and refunded, and as I no longer helped her with her homework, she ended up failing three classes and moving schools. Needless to say we are no longer friends.)