Seeing Marriage As A Dying Animal

(I work for a small-town government municipality, and my department is generally the catch-all for residents who don’t know exactly who they want to talk to. There is a woman peeking into my office from the hallway, seemingly uncertain.)

Woman: “Who allows those magazines and flyers to be placed by the front door?”

Me: “As long as we deem the content to be appropriate and informative for the townspeople, we’re usually fine with individuals and agencies leaving such materials in that area.”

Woman: “I would like for you to remove the one about hunting; you really should not be promoting dead animals!”

(The pamphlets to which she refers were sent to us by the State Department of Energy and Environmental Protection and were not prominently displayed.)

Me: “Ma’am, we also process hunting and fishing licenses, so we’re kind of already doing that if you think about it, and no one has ever complained about those.”

Woman: *sarcastically* “Well, you also do marriage licenses, but I don’t see any flyers out there promoting marriage!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you would like to bring us some material supporting marriage, I would be more than happy to display it, as well.”

Woman: “Well, in that case, I’m heading down to the church to get some. I’ll be back!”

(We never saw her again.)