(I work in computer technical support for an international electronics company. I am a soft spoken female technician with a ‘young’ sounding voice. As a result, I tend to have a hard time being taken seriously by certain customers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; my name is [name]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t need customer service; I need technical support.”

Me: “Yes sir, you’ve reached technical support. What product is it that I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I need a tech to help me with this issue. I’m sure you think you know what you’re doing, but if you’d like to put me on hold and transfer me to a male tech, I’d be happy to hold.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to transfer you back into our waiting queue. I assure you, sir, I’ll be able to help you with your issue if you can give me some information. If you’d prefer to speak with a male tech, you can disconnect the call and try again.”

Customer: “No, no I don’t want to do that. Alright, fine, can you help me connect my printer to my wireless connection then?”

Me: “Of course, I’d be happy to assist you with that today. Can you give me the model code on your printer so I can look that model up?”

Customer: *gives model number*

Me: “Does that model code have any letters at the end of it? Perhaps an ‘N’ or a ‘W’?”

Customer: “Ma’am, I assure you; I know how to read a model code. There are no letters at the end of the code on this printer.”

Me: “Alright, sir, I think I see the issue. It appears that this isn’t a wireless or networkable model. Our printer models designate network models with an ‘N’ at the end of the model code, and wireless models with a ‘W’. I can help you connect it to your computer through USB, but this model will not be able to be connected wirelessly or through a network.”

Customer: ”Look, I’m not stupid! I know this is a wireless printer; and I want to connect it to my network! If you can’t tell me how to do that, then transfer me to a man who can!”

Me: “Do you mind if we check a couple of things on that printer, sir, just to be sure? Can you look and see if there’s an ethernet port on the back of your printer? It’ll look like—”

Customer: “I know what an ethernet port looks like; I’m an IT professional! I work with networks all day, and this printer does not have an ethernet port on it!”

Me: “I understand, can you look for one more thing for me? Can you see if there’s a wireless light on the top of the printer? It would be marked as either wireless or with a symbol that looks like—”

Customer: “No! There’s no wireless light on this printer! It doesn’t need a wireless light, it says right on the box that it’s wireless! Now can you help me connect it or not?”

Me: “Sir, can you read me the part of the box that shows this is a wireless printer?”

Customer: “It’s right here! It says: ‘Easy one step wireless setup available on models—’… Oh… I uh… does this mean I’m going to have to buy a new printer?”

(I work in a computer repair service where we fix computers, reinstall windows OS and the like. A girl storms in the shop, ignoring the line and starts shouting at me.)

Customer: “Hey! When you reinstalled my Windows, you broke the wireless receiver in my laptop! I can’t connect to my wireless network! I want my money back and I want it now!”

(Other customers are obviously uncomfortable. I decide to test her laptop on the spot, on the counter, and it connects to our shops wireless network without any problems.)

Me: “See, it connects to the internet. Maybe you didn’t set up your connection properly.”

Customer: “It connects to your network, but not mine. The programs you installed must be wrong ones! I want my money back!”

Me: “If it connects to one network, it will connect to any. What kind of device are you using to broadcast your wireless signal?”

(She is silent.)

Me: “Are you connecting to your own wireless network?”

Customer: “…No.”

Me: “Are you sure you aren’t trying to steal someone else’s internet without knowing their password?”

Customer: *blushes, lowers her head, and rushes out of the shop*

(My husband’s boss isn’t the most tech savvy person. He’s asked my husband to figure out how he can change his current home sound system to a wireless sound system. It’s not part of my husband’s job but it’s a slow afternoon so he does the research.)

Husband: “After checking everything out it should cost around $3000 for you to upgrade to a wireless system.”

Boss: “No, that can’t be right. I read online you can change what you have.”

Husband: “No. You’ll need to purchase a whole new system. If you want the same set up that you have now it’ll cost around three thousand.”

Boss: “No. I read on the internet you buy that wireless box thing and you cut the wires on the speakers and leave about 3 inches bare and it’ll pick up the signals.”

Husband: “…pick up the signals?” *deep breath* “So, lets say this worked. How would the speakers know whether it should be picking up the left or right signal for the speaker?”

Boss: “If it’s a left speaker it’ll know what to do.”

(After much explaining that went nowhere, his boss was still convinced that he could just buy a ‘wireless box’ and strip some wires to upgrade his five year old sound system. Not to mention he wanted it completely wireless! NO power cables or anything! Somehow this man runs a business.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I just have a quick question. How can I tell if my mouse is wireless?”

Me: “A wireless mouse doesn’t have a wire.”

Caller: “Listen, I don’t have time for techno speak. Just tell me how to figure out if mine is wireless or not.”

Me: “Look at your mouse. If there is a wire connected to it, then it is not wireless.”

Caller: “You don’t have to be a smart a**.”

(The ISP I work for recently made a drive about their new modem. It is marketed as being the easiest wireless system on the market. Unfortunately, the system isn’t that great and I have received 27 calls that day alone about malfunctioning modems.)

Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I be of service?”

Caller: “The s*** you guys sold to me a while back isn’t working.”

Me: “That is very unfortunate, but thankfully I am here to help you. Name and address, please?

(She tells me her name and address and I check her history.)

Me: “It seems you have had our system for at least a month. Did it stop working just now?”

Caller: “That’s right. I’ve had it for a month, but I only started using it this morning and it doesn’t work at all.”

Me: “Then could you please tell me which lights are shining on the front of your modem?”

(The most common mistake is that the customer hasn’t switched on the wifi on the modem.)

Caller: “None, of course.”

Me: “Not even the power light at the top?”

Caller: “Should it?”

Me: “Yes. Please verify that the power cable is plugged into the modem.”

Caller: “What cable? Isn’t this supposed to be wireless?”

Me: *awkward silence* “Well…”

Caller: “What the f***? Are you telling me that your ads are straight-up lying to me?”

Me: “What is meant by wireless is that you don’t need to connect your computer to the modem. Can you please attach your modem to the wall socket by the cable provided?”

Caller: “Are you a f****** idiot? I threw away all cables! I mean, I thought you sent them by mistake!”

Me: *somewhat taken aback* “And it didn’t occur to you that electronics run on electricity?”

Caller: “I WANT A REFUND! YOU PEOPLE LIED TO ME!”

Me: “You are on a contract that will last for another three years and since more than two weeks has passed since it was bought, you can’t.”

Caller: “YOU F****** LYING PIECE OF GODD*** C***-S***!”

Me: “But since you obviously are quite upset I will transfer you to the cancellation department so you may sort it out with them. Have a nice day.”

(I transfer her call to our cancellation department. The last thing I hear is the queue voice going: ‘You are on place… one-hundred and… eighty… seven. Estimated waiting time is… two-hundred and… fifty… five minutes…’)