This happened when I was in my late twenties and was working as a wireman and moonlighting as a mechanic. As a result of my two jobs and a few other factors, I have ended up with a key ring to put a janitor to shame. Apparently, this would come into play later on.

After a particularly long day, I went to a large retail chain to pick up a few things, and I wandered back toward the electronics part of the store. I was standing there with my earbuds in, listening to music, and looking for a replacement phone case when this lady walked up and stood halfway between being next to me and being behind me. I was in my own little world comparing cases, and by a habit I picked up when I was a librarian’s assistant, I was also putting random cases back where they belonged while trying to find what I needed.

This lady started rattling away about something that I couldn’t hear, and after saying something to get my attention a couple of times, she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, removing one earbud so I could hear her.

Lady: “Where are the [item]s?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

And I went back to what I was doing. This apparently did not sit well with this lady, and she stormed off to find the manager.

Some twenty minutes later, I found my way to the camping section for some other item I needed. From the far end of the aisle, here came the lady from before with a poor, befuddled manager in tow, pointing me out, and squawking away about something I couldn’t hear. As they approached, I saw that the woman was pointing at me, and the manager took over, finally putting on his big boy pants. Again, I removed my earbuds to see what they had come to disturb me with.

Manager: “Why did you refuse to help this woman earlier?”

Me: “It’s not my job to help someone find something they can’t find on their own.”

Apparently, this was the wrong reply, and he proceeded to chew me up one side and down the other.

At that point, I had realized what was going on, and I halfway played along while trying to contain my fitful laughter.

Manager: “You need to turn your keys in. You are suspended until further notice!”

After a flippant and dismissive comment from me, the manager then proceeded to do his best impression of a cartoon character’s volcanic explosion of anger and let loose.

Manager: “You are fired, effective immediately! You can no longer apply to work for any [Store] ever again!”

I could no longer contain myself and started laughing hysterically.

Me: “I don’t work here!”

Manager: “Of course you don’t! I just fired you!”

Me: “Let me clarify: I have never worked for [Store], ever. I’ve never even applied.”

At this stage, the lady had turned several shades of embarrassed red, and the manager had joined her, his anger fleeing faster than a track star when he realized his mistake.

Still giggling uncontrollably, I grabbed my cart and strolled away while she proceeded to dole out apologies for the entire affair.

A customer comes in, in quite a tizzy.

Customer: “I need a printer right away!”

I walk him over to the printers and go through the sales process. After a lot of hemming and hawing, he finally decides on a low-end laser printer. I sell him the printer, a power strip, a printer cable (this was before USB… wow!), and a toner as he states that he has a lot of printing to do.

I feel pretty good about this sale thinking I’ve done my job as a good employee and gotten him what he needs.

About three to four hours later, he calls the store, all irate.

Customer: *Yelling* “The printer isn’t doing what I need it to do!”

Me: “Is it plugged in and powered on? And did you install the set-up disk like I talked about with you before you left?”

Customer: “Yes! I even printed the test page, and that worked fine. When I try to print my résumé, it doesn’t work!”

Me: “You said you are using MS Word, right? Does your résumé show up in the print preview correctly?”

Customer: “What does Word have to do with it? I keep pushing the résumé and it won’t print!”

It takes a few beats for me to make the realization and another few before I can compose myself to ask him:

Me: “You mean the ‘resume’ button?”

Customer: “Uh… wha… re…” *Click*

My boss often asks me to look over prospective CVs (résumés), mainly just as a second pair of eyes in case I spot something he didn’t. He hands me a CV for a role in our department.

Me: “I wouldn’t employ him if I were you.”

Boss: “Really? He has such a great CV.”

Me: “Yeah, but the guy does the bare minimum. He’s a real ‘not my job,’ ‘they don’t pay me to care’ type of guy.”

Boss: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I worked with him. Wouldn’t help out others, left me in the s*** a few times when I needed help, and he just clocked out.”

Boss: “Fair enough.”

He screws up the CV and throws it in the bin.

A few months later, the “new starters” email comes out and it’s the guy we were talking about. He must have applied for another position and gotten it. The last few months were tough, and we couldn’t find anyone for the job, so everyone in the department was really busy.

Boss: “Listen, I’m not doubting you, but [Other Department] offered to lend us [New Guy]. I do have an interview later with a really inexperienced candidate. Are you sure we don’t want [New Guy]?”

Me: “Trust me.”

He reluctantly did. The interview went well and they hired the woman to take on the role. On the day she started, they fired [New Guy] for his attitude. It must have been bad as it was right when we were about to get really busy.

With so few candidates, we would have been really stuck if my boss had kept up the swap. The new woman did really well and was a great help in the months after

I’ve worked in K-12 education technology for most of my twenty-plus years in my professional career. When I first started, I was the only technician for a small/medium school district of 2,500 or so students. The Director of Special Education was married to the superintendent. I reported to the business manager who used to teach technology but was not a technical person. For the most part, I was left to do my work and was not micromanaged. I got into a habit of taking my lunch whenever I felt like it or even not at all. If I didn’t take lunch and there was no pressing work, I would just leave a little early at the end of the day. Of course, I made sure all the schools were out before I left.

As time went on, I got in trouble for leaving early, so I would take my lunch whenever time permitted; sometimes it was when there was only an hour left from work, sometimes not. But I would chill at my desk and just screw off. The others in the office reported me for screwing off every afternoon. When I tried to explain to the business manager that I was taking my lunch, she said something to the effect of, “You can no longer take your lunch whenever you want; your lunch is from 12:00 to 1:00.”

No problem, message received. So, starting that day, no matter what I was doing at 12:00, I would stop what I was doing and take my lunch. If I was at my desk, I would screw off. If I was at a school site, I would go sit in my car.

Fast forward a month or two. At about 11:30, the Director of SPED calls and says his computer is not working and I need to come fix it right away. I say sure thing and get on my way. When I get to his office, he asks me to fix it and heads off to a meeting. I start in on removing all spyware he has managed to collect. About a third of the way through, 12:00 hits. I stand up and walk out of his office and tell his secretary I’ll be back in an hour.

Out to my car I go, expecting a phone call any minute. Sure enough, about fifteen minutes in, I get a phone call from the business manager.

Business Manager: “I hear you walked out of the SPED Director’s office without fixing his computer.”

Me: “Correct. It is my lunchtime.”

Business Manager: “What do you mean? You couldn’t fix his computer first?”

Me: “I could have, but you told me that I could not decide when my lunch break was and that I had to take lunch from 12:00 to 1:00.”

Business Manager: “Wait, that’s not what I meant.”

Me: “But that is what you said. If I stayed and worked on the computer and took my lunch at 1:00 or 1:30, I did not want to get in trouble for screwing off when I was supposed to be working.”

Business Manager: “Okay, I’ll call you back.”

She called back about fifteen minutes later asking me to please go back in and finish the computer. She said that from then on, I could decide when the best time was to take my lunch. It was never talked about again. It was nice being able to go home early when I didn’t take my lunch again.

This story is part of our Best Of July 2021 roundup!

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I’m in the drive-thru and order an unsweetened iced tea with my food. After receiving my order, I pull forward and out of the way so I can add some non-sugar sweetener to my tea. As I’m about to drive off, I take my first sip. BLECH!

Apparently, they gave me sweet tea. Together with the added sweetener, it is undrinkable, so I park the car and go inside. I go up to the counter and get the attention of one of the employees. I recognize her as being relatively new, because the last time I was there — maybe a week ago, possibly more — she had another employee shadowing her at the register teaching her what to do.

I explain to her what happened and ask for a replacement. She takes my cup and looks confused. I also tell her she can just pour out the contents and use the same cup. Still with the puzzled look on her face, she finds the manager. After she speaks with him for a moment, he takes the cup and dumps the whole thing in the trash, says something back to her, and she proceeds to get me a replacement.

First, she gets a new cup, and then she heads to the iced tea dispenser… and realizes she has no ice in this new cup. She begins to look around. Again, she has a confused look on her face. She actually has to ask another employee where to get ice. 

How long do you need to be working at a fast food place before you should be expected to know where the lone ice dispenser behind the counter is located?