Customer: “What animal do artichoke hearts come from?”

Me: “Artichokes are a vegetable, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, is that why the blood is green?”

Me: “That’s pesto, sir.”

I do graphic design for friends and family as a side hustle while I am in art school. Flyers for birthday parties and events and such. I get a call out of the blue. My parents have quite affluent friends who go out for their children’s birthdays so I can get quite a bit of business from them.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “That is not how you answer a call from a customer. You introduce yourself and confirm the name of the business. Now, this is [Caller’s Name]. I was at [Friend’s Child]’s birthday party last week and [Friend] said you designed all the flyers?”

Me: “Yes, that was me!”

Caller: “Good. Now I need a hundred flyers for my son to give out at school for his birthday party. It needs to be Pokémon themed and I need it by Monday.”

Me: “Monday, as in this Monday?”

Caller: “If it wasn’t I would have stated otherwise.”

Me: “It’s Saturday night.”

Caller: “Which means you have Sunday to get it done.”

Me: “I guess I could put together something basic and quick, but—”

Caller: “Excellent, I’ll now pass you over to your client.”

Me: “My… what?”

I hear the phone being handed to someone else, and I am suddenly speaking to a little boy who sounds no older than five. Words are coming out of his mouth at such a rate I am worried for his oxygen levels.

Client: “Hi!IneedAPokemonBirthdayFlyerAndINeedToHaveBulbasuarAndPikachuAndMewTwoAnd—”

Me: “Whoa, whoa, slow down there little buddy! First, what’s your name and how old are you gonna be?”

Client: “I’mGeorgeAndI’llBeFiveAndIWantEeveeAndPiplupAndCharmanderAndBulbasaurAndIThinkIAlreadySaidBulbasaurAnd—”

Me: “Okay, George! Sorry to interrupt buddy, but I need you to speak slower, okay? Now this is a flyer for you to give to kids in your school to invite them to your birthday party, yeah?”

Client: “Yeah!AndIWantSnorlaxAnd—”

Me: “George! I think it would be best if you passed the phone over to mommy for a second so I can get the information I need. Why don’t you go and write down a list of all the Pokémon you want on the flyer and give it to mommy when you’re done?”

Client: “Okay!” *Click.*

In his excitement to write a list of his favorite Pokémon, he hung up. The number wasn’t listed so I couldn’t call back. Ten minutes later, however, they call back.

Caller: “How dare you hang up on my son!”

Me: “I didn’t, ma’am, he hung up on me. I suggested he go get you to confirm the details I need for the flyer.’

Caller: “You should have gotten all that information from George!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all respect you shouldn’t be passing on your four-year-old for this part of the conversation. I need some information before I can—”

Caller: “You are very unprofessional! I don’t know why [Friend] recommended you but if you’re willing to work at half your usual rate this transaction can still be salvaged.”

Me: “You know what, I don’t think I am the right person for your request, ma’am. I’m going to politely decline this order and I wish you good luck in finding someone else.”

Caller: “You can’t do that! I’m the client! You’re the worker!”

Me: “That doesn’t mean I am forced to do any job that comes my way. You’re expecting someone to design and print a hundred birthday flyers in a day, and it sounds like according to George it’s going to have every Pokémon ever made on it. This is a difficult order already, but your attitude isn’t helping. I am refusing your order.”

Caller: “Just wait until I tell [Friend] how unprofessional you are!”

I hang up and immediately text my friend and tell her what happened.

Friend: “Oh, I told her specifically not to contact you as I know George’s birthday is next weekend, there won’t be time.”

Me: “I feel sorry for little George in all this. He’s probably writing a list of Pokémon right now thinking it’s going to be on a cute flyer for his birthday.”

Friend: “George is four and has the attention span of a golden retriever puppy. He’s probably already moved on to two other things in the time since you spoke to him. His dad is a CEO and my son has told me from personal experience that George has every Pokémon plushie known to man. He’ll be fine.”

My friend was originally not going to attend George’s birthday party but decided to become a chaperone last minute to make sure mommy wouldn’t be bad-mouthing me to all the other yummy mommies.

She tried. She was shot down. Business actually improved!

Also, according to reviews George had an amazing birthday. I hope he’s taken a breath!

Related:
Please Pokémon Go Away, Part 2
Please Pokémon Go Away

My husband is very introverted and shy, avoids strangers, and has trouble saying no. If he comes across a sales pitch person, he can’t bring himself to say, “No, thank you,” and walk away before the sales pitch starts and instead politely listens to the end.

My husband gets a notification that there’s a rare mobile game pocket monster on the other side of our shopping mall. He rushes out, and when he gets to a road, he sees a blind man waiting at the crosswalk (eyes closed, white cane, so he assumed blind). He has right of way, but since he can’t see traffic, he clearly hesitates.

Nervous, my husband carefully says there’s no car, worried he might insult the man. However, the blind man thanks him and crosses the road. My husband is ready to turn left when the blind man asks: 

Blind Man: “Do you know where [Store] is?”

Husband: *Gestures* “Eh, yeah, it’s that…” *realises what he’s doing* “Eh, it’s straight ahead.”

Blind Man: “Thank you so much. Have a good day!”

My husband stops to check how much time he still has for the rare pocket monster. Behind him, he hears:

Blind Man: “Excuse me, excuse me? Is this the right way to [Store]?”

My husband sees the clock ticking but puts the phone away. He walks to the man. 

Husband: “Sir, do you want me to walk you to the store?”

Blind Man: “Oh, how kind of you. I hope it’s not out of your way?”

Husband: “Nah, I still have time.”

My husband told me he felt very awkward all the time, not really knowing how to behave or what to say. He walked the man to the store, and when they entered:

Store Owner: “Hey, [Blind Man], I see you managed to rope someone into bringing you again!”

Blind Man: “Yes, and I would like to get him something.”

Husband: “Whoa, that’s not needed!”

Blind Man: “No, no, I insist! Do you like grapes? [Store Owner], how are the grapes?”

The store owner gives him a few to taste.

Blind Man: “Excellent! Now, how many are you at home?”

Husband: “No, no, it’s not needed. You’re most welcome.”

Blind Man: “Nonsense! Here, taste these grapes! They are very sweet. Now, how many are you at home?”

Husband: “Eh… just my wife and me.”

Blind Man: “Three cases for this man! Put it on my tab!”

Not much later, my husband was outside with about one and a half kilos of grapes, quite confused. Collecting himself, he got out his phone — seven minutes left! He decided to sprint for it… and made it! (It turned out it was not worth it after all!)

I’m very proud of my husband. Maybe that’s why the grapes taste extra sweet.

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 45
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 44
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 43
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 42
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 41

The store I work at sells popular trading card games: think Magic: The Gathering, Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and the like. The store is set up so there are glass-fronted cases with the more expensive product in them, with the cheaper stuff on the countertops.

In the Pokémon section, there are a couple of boxes on the countertop with cheaper cards in them. Each card is in its own color-coordinated sleeve, and each box clearly indicates prices per colored sleeve. For example, each card in a green sleeve is $1, each card in a purple sleeve is $2, each card in an orange sleeve is $3, etc.

A regular comes in one evening, and we all dislike this kid. Sadly, I pull the short straw as I’m the one manning the front counter, and it’s quiet enough we don’t need too many people up front. I say my hello spiel as the kid comes in, continue what I’m doing, and watch him out of the corner of my eye.

This kid pulls at least fifty sleeves from the Pokémon boxes and lays them all out on the counter. It’s fine; this isn’t the first time this has happened, it’s a slow night, and I don’t need the countertop at this time.

This kid spends a good ten minutes hemming and hawing, pulls out twenty or so of the cards that he wants, and puts the rest back. He lays all his chosen cards out on the counter, one by one.

Kid: “What’s the total for all of these?”

I ring him up, and his total (with tax) is over fifty dollars.

The kid stares at me, slack-jawed and bug-eyed.

Kid: “How could it be this much?! I only pulled, like, twenty cards!”

He pulled twenty cards of various prices, each CLEARLY INDICATED BY THE BOXES THEY ARE IN, and wanted the total to be UNDER $10.

The kid takes the cards back, goes through them again, and removes a single card

Kid: “Okay, how much is my total now?”

The total was now roughly fifty dollars. The kid took the cards back, went through them again, and removed another single card.

This went on for a good fifteen minutes. He finally, FINALLY made his purchase… of three cards.

The worst part is that this happened not once, not twice, but THRICE, the last time with him arguing with me that one of the cards was a dollar because he found it in the dollar box.

The card was in a purple sleeve, making it $2. It was a $2 card. I know it was because I put it there. It may have gotten misplaced, but there is a reason the cards are in color-coordinated sleeves: because of things like this.

This kid clearly does not know how this process works.

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 44
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 43
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 42
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 41
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 40

I’m in a popular catalogue-themed shop, queuing to collect the items I have paid for. I see an angry-looking woman push to the front of the queue. She loudly complains to the poor girl behind the till.

Customer: “Your system said you had one of these games in stock.”

Staff Member: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what item you mean.”

Customer: *Sighs loudly* “The game for the thing, the… Pokémon game.”

Staff Member: “Did you pay or reserve it?”

Customer: “Ugh, no, I was about to, but it told me it was then out of stock.”

Staff Member: “I’m sorry. Someone else probably bought it.”

Customer: “What, but I was about to buy it!”

Staff Member: “Sorry, but it is first-come, first-served.”

She muttered plenty under her breath but stayed at the tills, watching the queue slowly collect their items, each time craning to see what they bought, no doubt waiting for “her” game.

I’m not sure what she was planning to do if she found the person, because the line moved so slowly that she gave up and went away just before I got to the till.

That was good because I was really looking forward to playing that Pokémon game I had just paid for!

Related:
Please Pokémon Go Away