Customer: “I want an indoor plant that I don’t have to water.”

Me: “Well, cacti don’t need much but—”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to water them at all. What can I get?”

Me: “Without dying? I would recommend plants made of polyethylene or polythene.”

I know I am being a smarta**, but I get in trouble when I simply recommend plastic plants.

Customer: “And can I get these plants that are native to the US? I don’t want any foreign plants, especially ones from China!”

Me: “In fact, I think they’re exclusively from there.”

Customer: “This is why the communists are winning!”

I am in line at customer service, and the customer ahead of me is trying to get a refund.

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

Employee: “Yes, sir, but you bought this item over five years ago. Our return window is thirty days. The best I can do is store credit.”

Customer: “You greedy corporate fascist communists!”

Employee: “I don’t think all those words mean what you think they mean.”

Related:
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 4
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 3
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

I work for a store that operates online mostly. We do have people come in from time to time, but we mostly do online correspondence. This one customer just will not stop sending us emails — for a few days straight — about the item he received being made in China.

Email #1:

Customer: “You cannot imagine how disappointed I was when the [item] I just received was MADE IN CHINA! I’ll never order from you again, because by supporting the CCP (Chinese Communist Party), you are, in effect, allowing/supporting the takeover of America by the communists! NOT ON MY WATCH!”

Email #2:

Customer: “You sell crap made in China. I’LL NEVER BUY FROM YOU AGAIN!”

Email #3:

Customer: “And was I ever disappointed. The [item] was made in CHINA. So, that means that YOU are supporting the CCP! Never again will I buy crap from you. OH, what did I do with the [item]? I put it in my vice, cut it in two, and then melted it down in my forge. You could have at least been honest and stated that the crap was made in China… but OH, NO! You’d rather support the CCP than be honest. NEVER AGAIN WILL I ORDER ANYTHING FROM YOU, AND I’LL LET MY FRIENDS KNOW, AS WELL!”

My boss, the owner finally responded.

Owner: “Hi, [Customer]. Yes, many of our items are made in China, and many of your items, as well! If you have any of the following items, they all have ‘made in China’ parts, as well as being assembled there, too: nails, screws, TV, cable box, phone, computer, wallet, watch, clothes, iPad, tablets, food, car, and many other things.

“You might as well become a nudist and be nomadic if you don’t want to support the CCP at all. Live under a rock, and you might never hear about China ever again. But do your research before being so bluntly rude and disrespectful in an email.

“We don’t need your business, but you could have at the very least kept a professional manner instead of telling us you melted down the [item]. You just wasted your own money.

“Best regards, [Owner].”

When my mother was little, her family had to flee their home due to advancing communist troops. On their way to the seaport, they came across some relatives; a young widow and her two small children, carrying only two cloth bags of clothes.
My grandmother: “Ha, look at those idiots, leaving with so little, and letting their horses free!”
The refugee ship would not allow my mother’s family on with all of their furniture, tractor, horses, etc, so they returned home. They arrived to find all their remaining posessions gone, and soon the communists took what little they had left, and forced them to flee once more, with nothing. Soon enough, my grandparents starved, leaving their children to fend for themselves. As for the widow and chldren who gave up all their stuff: they made it safely to the west and prospered.

My family runs a small takeout place. We are open on July 4th.

Customer: “Why are you open today? That’s practically un-American!”

Me: “Our family will get together tonight and enjoy each other’s company.”

Customer: “You’re all communists for being open today! It’s treason! You should be closed for the holiday!”

Me: “So, you’re saying that instead of deciding our own hours and opening at times to maximize profits, we should be forced to close by a government-mandated holiday?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Yeah, you shouldn’t be the one accusing me of being communist.”

Related:
In Soviet America, Product Buys You!