Screaming Your Lungs Out

, , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2017

(Despite the fact that we are a retail shipping center, NOT actually [Major Shipping Company], we get a high volume of callers who think we are the shipping company and want us to locate their packages. The following conversation happens over the phone.)

Customer: “I was supposed to receive my new phone from [Phone Company] by 3:00 pm today, and it’s already after 3:00!”

(It’s only about 2:45.)

Me: “Was the item shipped out from our store here in [Location]?”

Customer: “No! It was shipped from [Phone Company]! Are you listening to me?!”

Me: “If it wasn’t shipped out from our store, unfortunately, there is nothing I can do for you. We don’t have anything to do with the drivers or deliveries. I can give you [Shipping Company]’s customer service number, though, and they should be able to help you.”

Customer:I need my phone! I have a rare lung condition and my lungs are suffocating me alive!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. Do you have a pen and paper to write down that number?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a God-d**** f****** pen or paper. Now you’re going to make me go find those WHILE I’M DYING BECAUSE I’M BEING SUFFOCATED BY MY LUNGS! F****** ridiculous! And I can’t find a pen, so now I have to use a piece of s*** marker. I have a lung disease!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry to hear that. So that number is 1-800—”

(At this point, I’ve got the phone an arm’s length away and can still hear him clearly.)

Customer: *screaming into the phone* “I CAN’T CALL AN 800 NUMBER! I’M BEING SUFFOCATED AND I CAN’T CALL 9-1-1 WITHOUT MY NEW PHONE!”

Me: “I cannot locate your phone for you. Let me give you the customer service number and tell you how to get a live person, and they should be able to help you.”

Customer: “FINE! Give me the f****** phone number so I can call them about my new phone!”

(I give the customer the number and tell them how to get a hold of a live person.)

Customer: “I’m probably going to die before I get my new phone, thanks to you! Now I have to call someplace else, and I can’t even call 9-1-1 because I don’t have new phone to do it with! I AM SUFFOCATING ALIVE BECAUSE I HAVE A RARE LUNG DISEASE AND YOU DON’T CARE THAT I CAN’T CALL FOR HELP! I AM GOING TO DIE BECAUSE I CAN’T CALL 9-1-1!”

Me: “I really hope you’re able to get the phone situation resolved soon, sir. Good luck and have a great rest of the day.”

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