Scoring In International Sport Has Exchange Rates
The USA is playing Paraguay in their first 2026 World Cup match, so my American family has decided this is finally the time to learn soccer. I’ve been a fan of the game since high school, so I am left to explain the rules during the game in real time.
Seven minutes in, Paraguay scores an own goal.
Dad: “Wait. Did they just score for us?”
Me: “Yes.”
Dad: “Okay, that part I like. In football, we make the other team work harder before handing us points.”
Later, Balogun scores.
Mom: “That’s only one point?”
Dad: “He got past the whole defense and beat the goalie for one point? In American football, that’s at least six!”
Balogun scores again before halftime.
Dad: “See? That guy understands offense.”
Brother: “Can they just keep giving it to him?”
Me: “That’s… sort of the idea.”
Paraguay scores in the 73rd minute.
Dad: “Now it’s 3-1. So, they need… what, one touchdown?”
Me: “No.”
Dad: “Two field goals?”
Me: “Still no.”
Dad: “This sport has no respect for comeback math.”
The referee adds seven minutes of stoppage time.
Mom: “I thought the game was ninety minutes.”
Me: “It is, but they add time for delays.”
Dad: “So the clock is fake?”
Me: “Not fake.”
Dad: “Honey, in American football, the clock stops every nine seconds like God intended.”
The final whistle blows. USA wins 4-1.
Dad: “I’ll admit it. That was exciting.”
Me: “So you liked soccer?”
Dad: “Let’s not get emotional. I liked America scoring four times in a sport that refuses to reward them properly.”
