School Can Teach You Life Lessons

Cruise Ship, Teachers, Wild & Unruly | Learning | May 15, 2017

(I’m on weekend cruise which is a little different: it’s a music cruise with concerts all weekend, headlined by a famous Irish-American punk band. Also, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. Around three o’clock:)

Announcement Over The PA: “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome aboard the ship. We would like to remind you that we will be sailing at 5:00 pm and there will be a safety drill at 4:30. Thank you!”

(At four o’clock:)

Announcement Over The PA: “Hello again, everyone! Just a reminder that there will be a safety drill in half an hour. In the interests of… keeping everyone focused, there will be no alcohol service until after the drill. Repeat, all alcohol service is CLOSED until after the safety drill.”

(At 4:30, my friends and I truck up to our muster station. We’re sober; the same can’t be said for everyone else in our muster group of about thirty or forty people, all of whom are talking and laughing and completely ignoring the young employee trying to get their attention.)

Employee: “All right, everyone! We’re going to go over– Everybody? Guys?”

Cruise-Goer #1: “WHOOO! [PUNK BAND] ROCKS!”

(Various other people are cheering.)

Employee: “Uh, yeah, so if we could just—”

Cruise-Goer #2: *to [My Friend]* “You’re pretty! Are you with this dude? Wanna ditch him? I guarantee, I’ve—”

Employee: “Hello?!”

My Friend: “Clap once if you can hear me!” *claps her hands*

(A few people also clap.)

My Friend: “Clap twice if you can hear me!” *claps twice*

(A few more people join in.)

My Friend: “Clap three times if you can hear me!” *claps three times*

(And so on. After five claps, the group settles down enough for a headcount and a quick safety lecture before streaming back to the bar.)

Employee: *to [My Friend]* “Thanks for helping out.”

My Friend: “No problem. I’m a high school teacher, so I know how frustrating it is when no one will f****** listen to you and you wanna stab them in the f****** face.” *to me* “Let’s go get a beer and see if we can find [Lead Singer]. Maybe he’ll sign my boobs.”

Employee: “I’m not sure whether to pity or envy your students…”

This story of part of the St. Patrick’s Day roundup!