Santa Versus The Global Recession

(It’s Christmas time and I suddenly realize that my youngest sister hasn’t been to see Santa this year. I grab a duffel bag from my closet, put on a red vest, and since I can’t find a Santa hat, put on my silver wig from Halloween. I throw some things in the bag and go to the living room.)

Me: “Ho! Ho! Ho! I am [My Name] Claus!”

15-Year-Old Sister: “You got presents? I want presents!”

Me: *to 11-Year-Old sister* “Come here, little girl, and tell me what you want for Christmas!”

([11-Year-Old Sister] looks at me like I’m insane but sits down anyway.)

11-Year-Old Sister: “Um, I want Little Pony.”

Me: “And…”

11-Year-Old Sister: “And a 3DS [Gameboy].”

Me: “Well, [My Name] Claus can’t give you that.” *reaches into bag* “But here’s a copy of Overboard starring Goldie Hawn on VHS! And a packet of oatmeal, part of this complete breakfast!”

([11-Year-Old Sister] starts exaggerated fake crying.)

15-Year-Old Sister: “Yeah. You can keep those.”

Me: “Merry Christmas!”

11-Year-Old Sister: *throws oatmeal packet at my head*