Same Old Story But Not The Same  

(I am working a shift from four to twelve in an all-night coffee shop. The leading chain coffee shop across the street has just closed. Two girls walk in with [Chain] cups and sit down. I give them five minutes to see if they’re going to throw out their cups or order food or something. When they don’t, I head over to their table.)

Me: “Hey, ladies, it’s counter order, so if you’d like anything tonight, stop by the counter and we’ll help you out.”

Girl #1: “Oh, no, we’re good.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, if you’re not going to order something I’m going to have to ask you to leave. It’s company policy.”

Girl #2: “But, like, we already have drinks.” *gestures to their cups.*

Me: “Yeah, but unless you’re ordering something from me, you can’t be here. If you were to buy a pastry or something, I’d offer to put those drinks in our cups, but if you’re not getting anything from me, you have to leave.”

Girl #1: “But you’re the same thing.”

Me: “Uh, no. We’re [Our Shop] and those are from [Chain].”

Girl #2: “Uh, yeah?”

Me: “They’re our competition.”

Girl #1: “So? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Me: “That we’re competing for who you buy your coffee from.”

Girl #1: “So? You both sell coffee.”

Me: “Yes… that’s why we’re competing. Directly. For your money.”

Girl #2: “I don’t get it.”

Me: *sighs* “Look, we’re [Our Shop], and you bought your coffee from [Chain]. If you’re not going to spend any money at [Our Shop], you have to leave.”

Girl #2: “But you’re the same.”

Me: *resists the urge to flip tables* “No. They’re our competition. You bought your drinks from them, which means you can’t sit in here.”

Girl #2: “But they’re closed and we can’t sit there.”

Me: “And you can’t sit here unless you buy something from me.”

Girl #1: “Well, we already have our drinks.”

Me: “Then you’re going to have to go. You can’t sit in my shop with drinks from another shop.”

(They get up, giving me the dirtiest looks imaginable, and walk outside… only to sit right down at one of my outdoor tables.)

Me: *leaning out the door* “That’s part of my shop, too, ladies.”