Meow-rons Give Im-purr-fect Advice

(My cat has recently developed a rather unusual habit. The local pet shop has so-called “cat experts” on staff, so I got to talk to them to figure out if this habit is a problem.)

Me: “Hi, are you one of the cat experts?”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am! What can I do for you?”

Me: “So, my cat has been doing something kind of funny lately. I don’t really think it’s something that is that big a deal, but I want to make sure that it isn’t going to cause him any problems.”

Employee: “I’ll be the judge of that. What’s she doing?”

Me: “He. He has been burying spiders alive in his litter box. I’m thinking it’s harmless, but I have found poisonous spiders in the house. So, I’m a little concerned about him getting bitten because he eats them sometimes, too.”

Employee: “She what?”

Me: “He. My cat is a boy. He eats spiders. And sometimes buries them alive in his litter box.”

Employee: “You’ve got to stop her! She can’t do that. It’s for POOPIES!”

Me: “Right… he knows that’s what it’s for, that’s what he mostly uses it for. But when he catches spiders that he doesn’t eat, he buries them alive. I don’t think it’s a huge problem, I just want to make sure that it won’t create a health risk for him. I know it’s unlikely but since cat litter is designed to trap moisture I wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to trap toxins from any potentially poisonous arachnids that could get into his system.”

Employee: “Cat litter traps moisture?”

Me: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”

Employee: “Look, whatever reason she’s doing this, you need to get your cat to stop. Spiders are GROSS anyway!”

(I ended up finding another employee to “help” me. Their suggestion? My cat needed to see a shrink.)