Not Doctor Livingstone, They Presume

(A friend of mine gives me a shirt that is printed to look like scrubs, with a drawn on stethoscope and a name tag that says ‘Dr. Sexy.’ One day while wearing it my grandmother starts having some health issues and we take her to the emergency room. I’m in the waiting room when a waiting patient next to me starts glaring.)

Patient: “I can’t believe you are just standing out here! How unprofessional! This E.R. is full!”

Me: “Wait… Me? What?”

(She hits my arm with her purse and shrieks.)

Patient: “Yes, you! Doctors shouldn’t get a break when you’re this busy! This is why we have to wait so long to get taken care of!”

Me: “Lady… I clearly do not work here.”

(My objections are drowned out by her yelling at me and incredibly a few more patrons join in about how lazy ‘we’ doctors are. A nurse comes out to the noise, blinks, and stares at me.)

Nurse #1: “No one is supposed to be on break right now! You need to get back in there or I’ll have to call the supervisor.”

Me: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

(I stand, take off the t-shirt and shake it vigorously.)

Me: “It’s FAKE. Drawn on. Not a real stethoscope. Not a real doctor! JESUS!”

(The patient shuts up, and Nurse #1 looks embarrassed and flees. I put my shirt back on. About ten minutes later a different nurse comes through the waiting room, and gives me a puzzled look.)

Nurse #2: “Are you the new doctor?”

(I ended up sitting bare-chested in the waiting room until my nana was released.)