Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Money/Family Matters

, , , , | Romantic | March 27, 2021

My wife and I had similar upbringings but grew up with very different approaches to money. I save and am very risk-averse; she spends and enjoys it. We complement each other well; a few times a little extra savings has really helped us out, and if she didn’t push me to enjoy the money, we wouldn’t have the memories or experiences we have.

However, it can be a bind at times.

Wife: “I’m nipping out; I’m meeting [Friend] for a drink.”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I’ve had a drink already; I can’t drive you.”

Wife: “Oh, d***. It looks like rain, as well.”

Me: “Never mind. There should be cash upstairs in the bedroom. I keep it aside in case of things like this. You can take a taxi.”

Wife: “Oh! You were keeping it for a reason? I might have spent that on shopping.”

Me: *Sigh* “No worries. I have some change that might get you a taxi.”

Wife: “The change you had in the top drawer?”

Me: “…”

Wife: “Yeah, I spent that, too. Sorry.”

Me: “Might want to take an umbrella, then.”

She had to walk and did get drenched, but she still had a good time with her friend. I restocked the cash and she hasn’t “borrowed” it yet.

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Somebody’s Being A Real Tool Here

, , , , | Romantic | March 23, 2021

I do a lot of work around the house — repairs and DIY. I have been thinking about building some fitted wardrobes, so when my wife keeps pushing me for ideas for my upcoming birthday, a new battery drill would be perfect.

I’ve only ever had cheap unbranded tools before, so I pick out a really affordable brand-name drill and even send her a picture of the one I specifically want.

A few weeks later, I open a very heavy box to find… an unbranded version.

Wife: “They didn’t have the one you wanted, so I got this one. Look, it comes with all these tools.”

It comes with some cheap drill bits.

Me: “Thank you. I have to admit, I was hoping for the other one.”

Wife: “They’re the same, aren’t they?”

Me: “Not really, no. I  was really looking for one with a bit more power. Plus, I think I mentioned that I was hoping to buy more [Brand] products and just have the one battery.”

Wife: “I think you’re just being picky.”

Me: “I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but this just won’t do the job.”

Wife: *In a huff* “Well, I guess I can return it.”

I felt bad, but we have always said that we would rather get each other something we actually wanted, and I have done the same for her in the past.

After several months of her “forgetting” or “not having time” to return the drill, she let me know she had lost the receipt and couldn’t return it.

I used the new drill for the first time, and I think it’s worse than my old one. It struggles to drill any large hole and the charge time is rubbish. 

I’m still the bad guy if I use my old drill. I think I will buy my own tools from now on.

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Bad Translations Will Undo Close-Knit Families

, , , , | Romantic | March 19, 2021

A knitting pattern and some wool I ordered arrive.

Me: *To my boyfriend* “Crap. The pattern is exclusively in French. Do we know anyone who knits and speaks French?”

Boyfriend: “Why? You speak French; just translate it yourself.”

Me: “This pattern is full of specific knitting terms and abbreviations. I have literally no clue what this part says.”

Boyfriend: “Then use a translation app. That will work.”

I put the text through a translation app and read it over.

Me: “I don’t think this is going to work. I’ll just find another pattern I can use this wool for.”

Boyfriend: “It can’t be that bad. I am sure you can figure it out with the translation.”

Me: “The translated pattern literally tells me to ‘End with your in-laws’ five times. I have no clue what they want me to do, but I am pretty sure the pattern doesn’t want me visiting your parents.”

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Too Much Sugar Isn’t Good For You

, , , , | Romantic | March 12, 2021

I make a post on a website explaining that I’ve lost my job, asking for donations to help me cut down on debt while I search for a job and offering “adoptables” — premade character designs — to people who don’t want to give something for nothing. Usually, when I make posts like this on one particular site, I wind up getting offers from sugar daddies or people trying to ask for my bank details, so I add a disclaimer to my post saying no thanks and no way.

The next day, I sign in to find a message in my inbox.

Stranger: “Hello, how are you doing today? I’m [Stranger] from Michigan. I hope you are well, and nice meeting you. Your profile hits home with me and I like that you seem relaxed and very open. If you would not mind, I’d like you to be my sugar baby. I promise to pay $700 twice a week. Here’s my number [redacted] and my Kik is [redacted]; you can text me. Hoping to read from you soon.”

Me: “So, which part stuck out to you more: the part where my profile says I’m married and monogamous, or my recent post saying I’m not looking for a sugar daddy?”

For reasons man may never know, he didn’t reply.

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The Only Thing Blowing Up Is Your Relationship

, , , , , | Romantic | March 10, 2021

I’m on a trip to London with my girlfriend. We’re on the tube. I’m reading; she’s on her phone. Someone sits down opposite us, who happens to be a Muslim man. I’d like to tell you this is irrelevant, but…

My girlfriend leans over to me and asks if we can get off at the next stop because she’s realised there’s a shop she wants to check out. I agree, and we get off at the next stop. I make my way to the station’s exit, but she stops me.

Girlfriend: “We can get back on the next train.”

Me: “What? But I thought—”

Girlfriend: “I just needed an excuse to get off that particular train.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Girlfriend: *As if it’s obvious* “Well, I was scared we were going to get blown up!”

Me: *Thoroughly confused* “What are you talking about?”

Girlfriend: “The man opposite us. You never know.”

I stare at her.

Me: “That’s— That’s pretty racist!”

Girlfriend: “I’m just being realistic!”

I didn’t know what else to say at that point, so I left it. Our remaining days in London were nice, but this and some other difficulties we’d been having caused me to break up with her soon after we got home.

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