I’m Not Gay, But My Boyfriends Are

| Oregon, USA | Romantic | September 8, 2011

(Two college-aged guys of similar age to myself come up to the register with a box of condoms. Note: I’m male myself.)

Customer 1: “We’re not gay, you know.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #1: “Well, we’re not.”

Me: “Okay, I know.”

(I finish the transaction, and they’re about to leave.)

Me: “Have a nice evening.”

Customer #2: “So…uh…are you doing anything when you get off? We’d like to hang out.” *winks at me*

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From Tasteless Typos To Tasteful Tenderness

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Romantic | September 7, 2011

(Note: The pizzeria a block from my campus made a typo in an ad published in the school newspaper that morning, advertising that the Greek Special was a “huge 18 inch” male organ instead of a “huge 18 inch pizza”. Note that I am a guy of Iranian descent.)

Pretty Girl: “One Greek Special, please.” *giggles and gestures to the ad*

Clerk: “Miss, as I’ve been explaining to everyone, there’s a typo in that ad.”

Pretty Girl: “In that case, one slice of pepperoni.”

(Three fraternity boys nearby walk over to the pretty girl.)

Frat boys: “Between us, we can give you the real Greek Special.”

Pretty Girl: “I’m not into that! Try your line elsewhere.”

(I’ve been in line behind her this entire time, and overhear the exchange. After I get my pizza, I walk over to her.)

Me: “How about I give you an Iranian special instead? Two hours of listening and afterwards you can rest your head on my chest and snuggle until you fall asleep.”

Pretty Girl: *laughs* “I’ll take it!”

(We dated for the next 4 months.)

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Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

| Louisville, KY, USA | Romantic | December 31, 2007

(I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)

Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”

Me: “They are 10 inch pizzas, sir.”

Husband: “Well how big is 10 inches?

(And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)

Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about 10 inches, dear.”

(I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

Taking The Young At Heart Thing Too Far

| New York, NY, USA | Romantic | December 23, 2007

(An 80 year old woman and her husband come up to the cutting counter with a bolt of sparkly, orange, see-through fabric.)

80 year-old woman: “Three yards please.”

Me, as I am measuring: “What are you using this for?”

80 year-old woman: “I am taking a belly dancing class, and I am going to make my own outfit.”

(I stare, and the man looks everywhere but his wife.)

Also seen on: Not Always Right.

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